Just another Pessimistic Optimist

Just plain awesome....

2011-04-14T07:12:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Matthew!

You know those weeks

2011-03-29T13:20:00.000-07:00

When nothing seems to go right and you can't seem to get happy? When everything seems so hard and you can't get anything to work?

Well, I'm having the opposite of one of those weeks. I'll keep you posted.

Not MY kind of British Movie, but.....

2011-03-25T12:37:00.000-07:00

Still hilarious!

Amen, Jon. Amen.

2011-03-14T07:56:00.001-07:00

The Daily Show - Crisis in Dairyland - For Richer and Poorer - Teachers and Wall Street
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

If you were to look up "Dashing" in the dictionary, this is what you'd find

2011-01-17T21:14:00.000-08:00

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Colin Firth is the thinking woman's sexiest man alive. Just when I think some other British boy has taken his place atop the pedestal of my affections, he does something lovely and my heart is his again.

Take his speech at this year's Golden Globes for instance:

Oh Colin, I love you even when you're not wearing a waistcoat.

Merry Christmas Ladies....

2010-12-20T17:46:00.000-08:00

(Thanks Carren!)

Ummmmm.... yeah

2010-12-16T08:15:00.000-08:00

My clutch went kaput yesterday and it's costing me a LOT of money to fix. So, yeah.

Why not watch this instead of worrying:

Your totally NOT commercial Merry Christmas message of the day

2010-12-13T08:08:00.000-08:00

I just thought it was too funny not to share.

I'd actually like a new vacuum....... or a man to give me one.

Maybe you had to go to BYU to get this...

2010-12-10T15:54:00.000-08:00

But I laughed so hard when I watched these I had to share.

This one is bad quality-wise, but made me laugh, even if I identify with the bitter roommate on the phone with her mom more than those mackin on the Love Sac.

(Thanks Jamie, you made my day with these!)

Awesomely Bad Christmas Song O' the Day

2010-12-08T13:20:00.000-08:00

Enjoy:

Happy Hanukkah Everybody (but mostly my dad)!

2010-12-05T13:34:00.000-08:00

This one's for you Daddy-o

Those are some (in the words of Adam Sandler) fine lookin' Jews.

If the video doesn't work, click here.

EVERYTHING Sounds Better With an English Accent

2010-12-03T08:07:00.000-08:00

Especially HIS English accent:

How adorable is Jude Law?

Guilty Pleasures, AKA Things too stupid/disgusting/embarrasing for me to admit to loving... until now.

2010-11-23T20:38:00.000-08:00

I know I've been neglecting this little ole blog of late, and I don't know if anyone is still even reading. I apologize for that, and I will say that I've been doing some soul searching about whether or not I'm going to continue this little venture.

But.... for the time being I thought I'd share a deep dark secret with you.

I love Easy Cheese. There. Now I've said it. Yep. I love cheese from a can. I know it's disgusting. I know it's a horrifying color. I know that I shouldn't, but I do.

And I'm not alone. One Thanksgiving not so long ago a certain male sibling who shall remain nameless and I went through two cans and an entire bunch of celery BEFORE we even sat down to dinner. If only his wife had been home to stop us. She could have saved each of us ~~a lot of heartache~~ a huge stomach ache.

Whew! I feel so much lighter now that I've gotten that off my chest.

I'm a Halloweenie

2010-11-03T12:14:00.000-07:00

I've never been a big fan of Halloween.

There. I've said it.

Don't get me wrong, as a kid I appreciated the free candy and all that, but the costumes.... never have been my thing.

Probably because they weren't my mom's thing either. We have some great pictures of my sisters as "Indians" wearing white garbage bags and my costume at age two when I wanted to be a "pretty lady" and ended up looking like Mrs. Robinson from The Graduate.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not blaming my mom for this. I understand her. Do I ever understand her. Every year when this holiday comes around I am reminded of my lack of creativity as far as costumes are concerned. Last year I went as "Your Auntie". My nieces weren't impressed. Another year I went to school as "Miss L-" with a sash and tiara. My students thought it sucked. Sigh.

My sister is a Halloween goddess. I'm not kidding. She spends countless hours tracking down, sewing, glueing, paper machie-ing, painting,.... costumes for her five children, and she ACTUALLY ENJOYS IT. If you want to see what I mean, check this out.

If my own child bearing dreams had been realized I'd be living down the street from my fabulous costume maker of a sister and every year my sad little indians and menopausal adulteresses would have to trick or treat with her Greek Hopelight Warriors and we all know they'd die a little inside just for having me as a mother.

Maybe that's why this commercial speaks to me so deeply:

You go Ironman, indeed.

4 things, maybe 5

2010-10-25T12:26:00.000-07:00

1. I have more grading to do within the next week than is humanly possible. At the end of each grading period I do question my decision to become an English teacher.

2. My students get a *5 day weekend. I get a measly 3 day one. Nothing like knowing someone gets more time off than you do to turn a 3 day weekend to crap.

3. Today's Catalog Living made me laugh out loud. Alone. In my classroom. When I should have been grading papers.

4.I have to come up with an effective plan to avoid trick-or-treaters this Halloween. Sunday evening will undoubtedly find me hiding under my bed with a flashlight.

5. If I didn't have an appointment after school I'd be home and in bed by 2:30 p.m. Sadly, I do have an appointment after school today.

* Friday we're celebrating "Nevada Day" and have no school. For further information on Nevada day go here, or here. Monday and Tuesday are "Professional Development Days". This means the kids get them off, but I DON'T!!!

Yeah, but I've been to Kansas City!

2010-10-05T17:00:00.001-07:00

When I was an undergrad at BYU I had a particularly annoying roommate who, along with stinking to high heaven, had the annoying habit of having to top EVERYONE'S story, no matter what it was: You have a cold? Stinky nearly died from the flu when she was 12. You have three papers due this week: She had four last semester!

Well, my friend M and I who roomed with this delightful creature had just returned from our missions in New York City. This left us with highly sensitive bull crap meters and a toughness honed by 18 months of walking at night through dangerous neighborhoods handing out our phone numbers to random strangers.

I have to say that although I'm sure I was in danger from time to time during my 18 months in Queens and Brooklyn, I was never scared or nervous. I was on the Lord's errand and was where I was supposed to be.

One night after sharing our favorite "I could have been killed this one time...." stories (a favorite pastime of returned missionaries in general and New York South missionaries in particular), Stinky piped up with "Yeah, but you didn't serve in Kansas City. Kansas City is REALLY dangerous." We scoffed and laughed at her. I mean we had served in NEW YORK CITY! A city KNOWN for danger and crime.

Thereafter the phrase, "Yeah, but I've been to Kansas City!" became synonymous with bull crap.

Why do I bring this up today?
For the past two years, the people at Walletpop.com have compiled the 25 worst neighborhoods in the United States. Not too surprisingly Las Vegas made the list. Not once. Not twice. But count 'em THREE TIMES.

Let me make it even clearer. Those three neighborhoods are in the top EIGHT most dangerous.

Why do I bring this up? Not to scare my mother (who refused to allow me to student teach in inner city Washington D.C. even though I'd served my mission in New York City), although she might think otherwise. Nope.

I'm sharing this info to let you know that my school is located right smack dab in the middle of the third most dangerous neighborhood in the United States:

yep. That one.

To sum up, we ship the best and the brightest students from all over Las Vegas to a neighborhood wherein you have a 1 in 7 chance of being a victim of crime.

Here's the thing. Like my time as a young missionary in New York City, I have never felt nervous or worried or even hesitant about my safety at my school. I suppose being where you're supposed to be and doing what you're supposed to do makes all of the difference.

Also, I mention this list because for all of these years I felt so big and bad and brave for working Bed Stuy and South Prospect Park in Brooklyn. Turns out they didn't even make the list. What a let down.

Kansas City did. It's number 23. I guess Stinky had a point.

But I'VE been to Las Vegas 89106!

The Wet Corgi Dance

2010-09-30T21:34:00.000-07:00

You might think it's strange to post a video of someone else's dog doing something funny, but this video is just so typically corgi that I had to post it.

Gotta love a Corgi!!

Again, Seriously...

2010-09-21T08:06:00.000-07:00

In case you were wondering, No. I will NEVER tire of OK Go.

Seriously?

2010-09-17T22:14:00.001-07:00

Not only does he look like this:

But he also says things like this,

and then he dances like a goofball in this:

(Never have I wanted to be an 88 year old woman more.)

And he makes it impossible for me NOT to love him.

Yeah, Yeah, I know

2010-09-10T12:45:00.000-07:00

I promised more house photos. But, you see..... school started. And my house decorating (and cleaning for that matter) kinda went kaput. I'll get back to it. But until then, you must must MUST check out the hilarious Catalog living. It's the blog for all of us who love catalogues, yet wonder: Who actually lives in these rooms?

Ta ta for now.

(thanks to Coal Creek Farm for the link)

Home Sweet Home....Vol. 1

2010-08-13T16:46:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I am now officially living in my new house!! I'm more tired than I can remember being, but so happy. A lot of you told me that decorating my very own house would feel different, and I believed you, but I didn't know just how satisfying it could be to do whatever I want (within budget, of course)!

So, with no further ado, I thought I'd share a few pictures:

This is the house, with my favorite accesory: a HUGE dead tree. Nothing says welcome home like a dead tree. I'll take care of it....as soon as I can afford it.

I've been busy in the past two weeks, and I have these bruises to prove it:

First of all, I painted nearly the entire house. The only rooms that I haven't attacked with a paintbrush are my office, the garage, the laundry room and the guest bathroom. I'm not touching any of them except the bathroom in the near future. I'm thinking a pretty light green. Soooooooo my house has gone from being this color:

to this color:

I know in the picture it doesn't look a lot different, but trust me. It is. I love this color. It's called pale gold and in some light it looks yellow and in others it's kinda tan. I love love love it. It's pretty.

Since I only designed my Tiffany inspired bedroom last year, I wasn't ready to let that color go. However, I went with a tiny bit less bright blue, and I changed my window coverings:

As you can see I haven't finished, and I don't have anything hanging on the wall yet. These things take time.

I'm especially proud of what I've done in the walk in closet. I took it from three walls of this:

to two walls of that and one wall of this:

*cue angels singing. Am I right ladies?

That's right. I ripped out a shelf and hanging rod with my two bare hands, a rubber mallet, and a hammer and then hung all of those lovely shelves. BY MYSELF!!!

I've also changed the lock on this door:

and this door:

and one other one that I forgot to take a picture of.

Again, BY MYSELF!!!!

So, that's all for now. I'm tired and the other rooms are still too messy to take pictures of.

*******Addendum********

After I broke down and cried on the phone to my mom after my first full day of working on the house, she and my darling dad came and spent two days working on the house with me. I don't know what I would have done without them. Seriously. My dad fixed my kitchen faucet, my toilets, hung blinds, etc. My mom ripped out REALLLLLLLLLY ugly shelves in the entertainment center niche in my family room. The entire thing was painted black. She requested a picture of the after. I wish I had a photo of the before so that you could see the difference, but trust me, it looks worlds better.

Here it is now:

NEWS FLASH!!!!

2010-07-29T12:26:00.000-07:00

I'm signing papers this afternoon and closing tomorrow. I'm so jazzed I can't even begin to tell you.

What this means is that you'll not hear from me for a while, and then I'll inundate you with pictures. I'm apologizing in advance.

I'm CLOSING TOMORROW!!!!

Because I have nothing else in my life...

2010-07-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

I'm going to share a snapshot of my current favorite television shows. Yeah, I know it's summer and I should be out playing and having fun, tra-la-la. But, I live in Las Vegas and stepping outside my door immerses me in immediate "surface of the sun" tempatures and eau de pit bull urine. Added to that is the fact that I'm currently packing in the hopes that I will actually close on my new house at the end of the week, and I own a TiVo.

So here we go in no particular order:

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
(on dvd)

Yeah. I know it's old news. I'm sure many of you have even kinda forgotten about this gem in the years since it left television. I can think of no better antidote to the Sparkly Vampire quagmire we now find ourselves living through (Sorry Jamie, Carly, Rachel, and Wendy. It's true. I may watch the Twilight movies, but they're subpar) than a big box of Buffy. If you want to watch vampires, watch them the right way. I mean, really. I got hooked this time when my sister Christy and I decided to have a "Best of Buffy" night right before we left for the cruise. We easily agreed on our #1 episode ("Once More With Feeling", season 6) But after that the list grew too long for one night. Heck, it grew too long for a week of nights. If you've never watched Buffy, I highly suggest you do.

2. The Good Guys
(Mondays, Fox)

I first started watching this show because Bradley Whitford is in it. I've had a little crush on him ever since he played Josh Lyman on "The West Wing", but it was clear from the very first episode that Dan Stark aint no Josh Lyman. He's sweaty, idiotic, sexist, disgusting and delightful. The show is equal parts Starsky and Hutch and Dragnet with a healthy dose of quirk and cheeze for good measure. Colin Hanks and Bradley Whitford are incredibly fun to watch whether they're finding themselves the unwitting target of the 2nd best assassin in the world by tracking down a stolen humidifier, or when they're about to be run down by "a flaming truck of some sort". If you enjoy silliness and quirky characters, watch it.

3.Royal Pains.
(Thursdays, USA)

I've always had a thing for cute Jewish boys and Mark Feuerstein is one of my favorites. He's had really bad luck in the past (he has been called "Sit-com kryptonite" along with another of my favorite people Lauren Graham), but in Royal Pains he's finally found a vehicle for his adorableness. I like the story, I love the characters, it reminds me of living in Long Island as a young missionary, and every episode feels like summer. It's never going to win awards for realism, but if you enjoy cute boys, highly improbably medical storylines, and beautiful scenery I'd watch it.

4.My Boys.
(Sundays, TBS, but I TiVo and watch it on Monday, Mom. Really.)

This is a little gem of a show with a bad time slot and a terrible address. TBS is kind of the red-headed step child of the Turner broadcasting family. If this show was on TNT with all of it's other golden children more people would know about it. Alas, it is not and I fear its days are numbered. Nevertheless, I love it. This season will suffer from the loss of Jim Gaffigan, but he never was the show. The show revolves around tomboy P.J. and her "boys", and it's clever, well written, and makes me laugh out loud every single week. Season 4 is currently on, but the first three seasons are out on dvd. I love this show so much I'm going to include a clip of my favorite moment ever: (The good stuff starts about about 2:20)

Kenny's letter is my favorite part. "When you tried to get me to buy the new Fergie album it made me feel so lonely." It kills me EVERY TIME I watch it.

5.Top Chef, D.C.
(Wednesdays, Bravo)

First off, let me tell you that last season (in Las Vegas) was incredibly superior to this one, but what can I say? It's Top Chef. I love it. I can't explain exactly why this show is so compelling. It might be Tom Colicchio, but as wonderful as he is, it's so much more than that. I'm not a huge fan of reality television, but I am a huge fan of this show.

6. Mad Men
(Sundays, AMC I TiVo it too Mom, I swear!)

It's BAAAAA-ACK. "Who is Don Draper?" Who the heck cares as long as John Hamm continues to play him. I know that in real life I wouldn't like the guy, but on television his arrogance and aura of mystery are part of the charm. It's been a long wait and there's always the worry that this season is where it will start sucking, but after watching the first episode I must say that I like where it has begun: Sterling Cooper Draper and Price working out of a tiny office space with no conference table and a phantom second floor, Don Draper out of place and sorts, Pete Campbell trying to get people to call him Peter. I like that Peggy's more willing to call Don on his crap, that a girl turned Don Draper down for once, and that Joan's back running the place; but mostly, I'm just happy to have Don Draper (and John Hamm) back in my life on a regular basis.

7. Memphis Beat
(Tuesdays, TNT)

Great music, seedy scenery, Jason Lee. What's not to love. I'm not a huge fan of cop shows (although there are two on my list) but I do enjoy a good character driven story. That's what appeals to me here. Plus, as much as I loved him as Earl, it's nice to see Jason cleaned up and de-mustachioed. The supporting cast (including the ALWAYS gorgeous and talented Alfre Woodard--one of those actors who improves the material, no matter what it is)is great, and I have really enjoyed the storylines thus far.

Let me 'splain....No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

2010-07-17T11:29:00.000-07:00

Because my body has finally realized that it's summer time and therefore must hybernate, I don't have the energy to write about my fabulous Alaska Cruise/Seattle vacation.

Let it suffice to say that a grand time was had by all and that Alaska is one of the most gorgeous places on earth, and that Seattle is a wonderful city.

I'm hoping to write more later, but thought I'd post some pictures in the meantime.

The afternoon before the getting on the ship. Argosy Harbor cruise. What a beautiful skyline.

Doesn't this picture just scream "Summer Vacation"?

Cruising through Endicott Fjord. GORGEOUS water, ICEBERGS!!!

Christy and I in front of the Dawes Glacier from the Endicott Fjord. Second Day at Sea. It's hard to believe something can be that color in nature.

Downtown Skagway, Alaska. A cute town with a criminal past. LOVED it.

Some views from the White Pass and Yukon Route Railway trip

The Mendenhall Glacier. Maybe my favorite part of the whole trip.

Licking a piece of the glacier.

Getting rained on in Juneau

Ketchikan, Alaska. Raspberries. Totem Poles. Harbor. (Historical) Whore Houses.

Butchart Gardens, Victoria, B.C. Canada.

Back in Seattle in time for a HORRIBLE 90 degree heat wave. Whew! If they only knew.

There it is....kinda. I hope to post for reals later.

Secret Message Post

2010-06-03T10:52:00.000-07:00

TJ's got the news:

That's right. I'm in ES-CA-ROW!!

Digital Mix Tape

2010-06-01T07:29:00.000-07:00

I LOVE music. Music defined how I saw myself in high school, has helped me choose friends, and often expresses my innermost joy/sorrow/thoughts.

I was one of those girls in high school AND college who made mix tapes for my friends. I spent hours pouring my love and affection into each playlist and then more hours designing the covers.

This past week The English Geek wrote a post about her current playlist and encouraged her readers to do the same. I loved it and decided to do the same.

I spent some time thinking about this playlist, and a few more deciding on just the right words to express just what I love about each song. This isn't a list of my favorite songs, just a list of what I'm listening to right now. The heavy hitters, the songs in current rotation. Enjoy:

1. "Crazy Eddie's Last Hurrah" by Reckless Kelly. Who knew that a song about breaking up, drunk driving, and double homicide could be so much fun? I can't really explain why I love this song so much, but it might have something to do with all of the clever rhymes to "and I'm never getting over Joely".

2. "Empty" by Ray LaMontagne. The bleakness of this song moves me. I love the lines "I never learned to count my blessings,I choose instead to dwell in my disasters". I hate to admit it, but that perfectly sums up my feelings way too often. I'm a huge fan of LaMontagne, and this isn't the song that I love most by any stretch, but it is the song that's speaking to me right now. (But if you want some good stuff check out "Let it Be Me" and "Hey Me, Hey Mama" or "Shelter" AMAZING.)

3. "Hey Soul Sister" by Train. I'm a little bit embarrassed by this one, but I'll suck it up and share anyway. I can't explain they dichotomy of placing this effervescent pop song next to the dark and wistful "Empty" but there you have it: me in a nutshell. There's something about the way he sings "Hey" that gets me moving. I imagine myself dancing a quickstep to this every time I hear it and it puts a smile on my face.

4. "Sea Lion Woman" by Feist. This song gets me moving. It makes me want to clap a beat and stomp my feet. It's also one of the songs I have on my "working out" playlist. It's a great song to get you running/walking/moving, and Feist's a genius.

5. "Hotel Song" by Regina Spektor. "I have dreams of orca whales and owls, but I wake up in fear, you will never be my, you will never be my fool." Ahhhhhhh. We'll just ignore the part about illegal drugs, yes?

6."Silver Lining" by Rilo Kiley. There's something about the line "I was your silver lining, but now I'm gold." that gives me a little shiver of delight. Oh, and the girl can sing.

7. "Mouthwash" by Kate Nash. I love the happy piano at the beginning. I love that you can tell she's from London. I love that she sings about freckles. I love this song.

8. "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane. Do I need a reason? It's just beautiful. The music, the lyrics, I love everything about this song.

9. "Island in the Sun" by Weezer. This is the ultimate summer song. I got to see Weezer in concert when they were first starting out. "Buddy Holly" had just hit MTV like a storm and they were playing the Utah State Fair Grounds. Tickets were cheap, my roommates and I decided to go. My brother and some of his friends drove down from what was then Ricks College (now BYU Idaho). The band ran onstage to the theme song from some 80's tv show (Magnum P.I.?) and had a plywood backdrop of the now famous Weezer W with holes drilled out for Christmas lights to poke through. They were young, raw, and I'll admit it: we left early. I'm ashamed, and will be forever. My brother stayed there 'til they closed the place down. I left. Who knew that those guys with the funny video would still be around all these years later? I certainly didn't, but I sure am glad they are. I'm sorry for doubting you Rivers, and thank you for writing this song so that I can celebrate the end of every school year.

10. The Old 97's. This band has been on pretty heavy rotation for a couple of years now. I love them. They speak to me. I love that my 8 year old niece Bethany and I can sing every word of "Question". Their music is fun without being cheesy, dark without being depressing. And Rhett Miller is dreamy.

11. "Grace Kelly" by Mika. If this were my niece Samantha's list "Lollipop" would be on this list, but it's always been "Grace Kelly" for me. There are so many reasons why I keep coming back to this one, but I won't bore you with them. Instead I'll just say, listen to it. I dare you not to like it.

12."Like a Prayer" by Madonna. When this song first came out, Pepsi paid Madonna a ridiculous amount of money to have the rights to play her video on commercial tv. I don't know why they were surprised that her video was controversial. I loved it. I still do. I love dark, curly haired Madonna. I know she's not the icon, but I love her. Plus, this song makes you dance in your seat. You can't help it. I am always happy when this song comes on when I'm at a red light and I can really get down.

13. "Pretty Girl from Annapolis" by The Avett Brothers. I was introduced to these guys by Melissa and Danny a couple of years ago, but I didn't really fall in love with them until I saw them perform this song on Ace of Cakes. Yeah. They have a series of "Pretty Girl from...." songs, but this is my favorite. I love the lines "My dreams fly me to a place near Baltimore. And I love this moment we're in, though we might never see this moment again" The lyrics may be about a boy who can't commit, but they remind me of a New Year's Eve spent in Annapolis with two of my favorite people on earth. I loved that moment we were in, and we never saw that moment again. But isn't that the point?

14. "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson. I recently got a 80's compilation (mostly because I was in the mood for "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler) and this song was on it. I'd forgotten how good he was. This was my favorite song in the fourth grade (when I had NO idea what it was really about) and Thriller was, hands down, the most played record in our house that year. This song took me back to the pre-creepy, pre plastic surgery Michael that I had a crush on. Through all of the creepiness I'd forgotten just how good he was. What a talent.

15. "California" by Rufus Wainwright. This song is simultaneously silly ("Thousand surfers, whiffs of freon and my new grandma Bea Arthur")and derisive ("Life is the longest death in California").

Sooooooo, what are YOU listening to? Tell me in the comments section, or blog about it yourself. If you do blog, let me know!

If you want to do more than read about these songs, I have my playlist posted on the blog under the title Digital Mixtape.

Things I'm Thinkin' 'Bout

2010-05-28T14:43:00.000-07:00

1. This is right next to the most adorable thing I've ever seen:

and fyi, this is NOT how Austen reacts to being fed. When I feed Austen, he walks over, looks at his food and then at me as if to say "Mum, do you fink I'm gonna eat that rubbish?" (remember, my dog has a tough British accent) Then, he moves his food one kibble at a time to the other side of the rug and then MAYBE, if I'm lucky he eats it(If I'm not lucky I step on soggy dog food with my bare feet.).

2. For eleven years I've told my students, "Pick up that backpack. I don't want to trip and fall." or "Push in that chair, I don't want to trip and fall." It's just one of those things you say as a teacher, I don't think I ever really thought I'd ever trip and fall. Well, no more. Last week I did exactly that, and in case you're wondering, yes. I was wearing a skirt. Yes. It flew up. No. I didn't die of embarrassment. Yes. I did hurt myself. My left foot to be exact. Yes. That left foot. No. It's not broken, just really bruised and painful.

It was one of those moments when I realized, once again, how happy I am to teach the kids I do. At either of my previous schools that story would have circled the school twice by the time school was done for the day. At mine? Not a single kid mentioned it ever again. Maybe the whole skirt flying up, visible teacher's underwear experience was so emotionally disturbing, that they all silently agreed to never speak of it again. One can hope.

3. Two weeks ago, there was an episode of Glee guest starring.... wait for it..... Neil Patrick Harris and directed by Joss Whedon. Does life get any better than that? Maybe for other people, but for me? Not really. (I am one sad spinster.)

4. Next Wednesday my sisters Jennifer and Christy, and my niece Alyssa are coming to stay with for for a few days. I'm so excited that I can hardly stand it. I'm planning our activities and clearning out the guest room for them. Austen's very excited, or he would be if he understood anything that I say to him.

5. I'm in the middle of buying a home for the first time in my life. I've put it off for various reasons including mind numbing fear at the thought of that much debt and the desire to move away from Las Vegas, but I made some realizations. 1. I'm not getting out of here until the economy improves. 2. Housing prices in Las Vegas are currently ridiculously low. 3. Might as well own if I'm going to stay here for awhile.

I have an accepted offer right now, but it's a short sale at it's going to take awhile and the bank could turn the offer down. I'm trying to be patient. We'll see how it goes.

6. Another video that puts my dog parenting to shame:

I'll bet that dog doesn't put down his ears and crawl into his owner's lap when given a command. Hmmmph.

7. Summer is three short school days away.

Those nights in the country must be long....

2010-05-17T14:07:00.001-07:00

Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.

Quote of the Day....

2010-05-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

Background: I bribe my students to do my bidding by promising them that I will bake them cupcakes. I make REALLY good cupcakes.

Male Student: "Miss, your cupcakes are like God--in cake form."

Things that make me go hmmmmm....

2010-04-17T15:10:00.000-07:00

Things I've seen while driving, parking, and/or walking this week:

1. A roadside sign proclaiming "TIKI'S!!! Followed by a guy with a bunch of these

in the back of his truck. It made me wonder a couple of things.

a. Is a carved tiki really something you'd buy at the spur of the moment from a road side vendor? I mean, it's not a bag of oranges or a fabric wall hanging of Bob Marley. It's a huge carved log with a terrifying face carved into it. I would think that as far as a design element goes, a tiki is a commitment. It's not like they "go" with everything. It's not like you can put it in the corner of your yard and it'll blend in. I'm fairly certain it makes a statement (a statement that says "It's 5 o'clock somewhere! Party!!!! Time to get my beer goggles on! Whoo Hoooo!!" Something like that)

b. When must people use apostrophes where no apostrophes are needed? It's Tikis, not Tiki's, unless Tiki Barber has decided to randomly display some of his own personal belongings at the side of the road for kicks. Come ON people!!

2. A man, at least 60 years old, waxing his SUV in my condo parking lot to the sultry sounds of George Michael's "Kissing a Fool". Annnnnnd he was singing along. Loud. In the parking lot. TO GEORGE MICHAEL. Hmmmm.

3. Earlier this week while I was in the middle of walking Austen I noticed car full of Japanese people looking in my direction while talking, smiling, and pointing in the manner of a group of 15 year olds who've just spotted Robert Pattison. Then one of the women opened the car door and ran across the parking lot saying "I love this dog! I had this dog! This English dog! Where did you get?" While crouching down and grabbing at Austen. Let me tell you something about my little man: in public, he'll run up to random people like he wants them to pet him, but actually he'd rather they didn't touch him. He's not sure it's hygenic, or where their hands have been, and ummmmmm..... nothankyouverymuch. This lady was NOT to be deterred, however and although my dog had his ears down and was hiding behind my legs she was sure that he liked her. Then the rest of the family climbed out of the car. By this time Austen was so freaked out that he didn't even want to pretend anymore. He sat down behind me and started to softly whine, his anxiety overwhelming him. I picked him up to calm him down and the lady said, "Give him to me. He loves me. I want to hold!" and grabbed him. He cried out in pain (totally fake) and looked at me through fearful bulging eyes. Instead of noticing this very OBVIOUS show of canine fear she looked triumphantly at me and crowed "See!! HE LOVES ME!!" Sure lady. Sure. When I finally got my dog back from her she asked me, "Do you walk this way everyday??" I smiled and said, "Sometimes" while thinking "NEVER AGAIN!!" Unlike most days when at the end of a walk Austen looks at me in censure and disappointment as if to say, "You're a terrible mother. Aunt Christy would have walked me longer.", after our experience he ran all the way home and immediately went into his crate as soon as I took off his leash.

I don't think he's cut out to be famous.

4 things.... Maybe 5

2010-03-19T17:32:00.000-07:00

1. This was supposed to happen to ME!!!

2. I have only one more week until Spring Break. It's about time. I'm plumb worned out, and I get to go and see some of my favoritest people ever....(Carly and Rachel, start clearing out your drawers now. You know I'm gonna make you do it when I come, ya pack rats!)

3. I have a post in the works about the British Crap I've been watching over the past couple of months. Here's a preview:

He makes that cravat look really good.

4. My upstairs neighbor decided to throw what sounded like a slumber party for 150 10 year old girls WEDNESDAY night. The main party game was apparently "Who can scream the loudest while running up and down the hall and then dropping bowling balls until 1 am." I don't know who the winner was, but I DO know it wasn't me. Oooooor my students the next day.

5. I tried Pioneer Woman's pizza crust recipe this week and it resulted in the most delicious homemade pizza I've ever made/tasted. If you like pizza at all, you should try it.

My Saturday

2010-03-13T19:15:00.000-08:00

How I spent my Saturday:

6 am: Woke up, rolled over, went back to sleep.

7:30 am: Woken up by Austen shaking his collar and snorting like a pig.

7:31 am: Let Austen climb up into bed with me.

8:45 am: Finally woke up to Austen standing over me and staring.

9:00 am: Took Austen out to do his business.

9:30 am: Went grocery shopping.

10:45 am: Ate breakfast.

11:00 am-12:30 pm:Sat on the couch NOT cleaning my house.

12:30-12:35 pm: Had a staring contest with Austen.

12:45-2:30 pm: Took a nap.

2:30-3:30 pm: Avoided cleaning my house again.

3:30-3:35 pm: Had a staring contest with Austen

3:40-4:55 pm: Replaced the sheets on my bed and washed my old ones, cleaned my bathroom and organized my make-up. Took out the trash, folded laundry

4:55-500 pm: Another staring contest with Austen. In the middle, realized that I hadn't fed him breakfast.

5:01 pm: Fed Austen extra food. In bad dog mommy circles we call this a "guilt helping"

5:00-7:00 pm: Watched a couple of episodes of Toddlers in Tiaras. I know. It's horrible, but I can't help it. It's like a train wreck, and it has the added bonus of making me feel better about myself. Sure, I forget to feed my dog, but I don't put a wig and fluffy dress on him, slap fake teeth in his mouth and then make him parade around in front of a bunch of crazy pageant people, now do I?

7:15-7:30 pm: Wrote this post.

See why I haven't updated lately?

Aaaaand now for a little glimpse into my life...

2010-02-23T19:26:00.000-08:00

Leave out the bit about public transport and add "the condo upstairs" and you have a frighteningly accurate view into my current living situation.

I'm not made for condo living.

This is what happens when you teach at a technology school...

2010-02-11T09:41:00.000-08:00

Most days my students write for the first 5-7 minutes of class. Most of the time I give them a topic related to what we'll be reading/writing/discussing during the rest of class. A couple of times a month, though I give them a freewrite day when they can write anything they want. Most of them write about things that happened in their last class, or over the weekend, or use it as a forum to vent frustrations.

Most do that. Then I have my special ones that write the same word over and over again or try to slip in innapropriate commentary to see if I'm reading (I'm not, but my student aides are...)

But, this week, I found a gem of a freewrite left in my classroom. I'm going to try to upload a scan later, but here's the transcript(spelling and puncutation errors original):

"Freewrite!
Hey it's a freewrite. Random time. Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger MUSHROOM MUSHROOM Hey look guys its Jordan! Du na nan na nan na nana Da nan nan na nana na Squirrel Squad! The Tank. It's time to Du Du Du Du-Du-Du-Du-Duel! Pikachu! I choose You! Gonna rap! Sean Schmuckers a pretty good guy he kills enemys and isn't afraid of nobody. It's A-Me! Mario! Falconnnnnnnnnnnn PUNCH!"

It's a far cry from the crudely drawn body parts and embarrassingly explicit fare I used to pick up when I taught at a normal, non geeky high school. Thank goodness. I'll take gamer geek ramblings any day.

It has no name written on it, but I've narrowed down the author to either the tall, twitchy-eyed boy from my eighth period class who plays Pokemon at lunch and wears his hoodie like a cape; or the short, twitchy-eyed boy who I suspect has Asperger's syndrome, has one of those sad little sophomore boy mustaches and picks his nose voraciously during my class.

But I could be wrong.

A Post Only a Mother Could Love?

2010-02-09T15:24:00.000-08:00

There's something you should know: as much as I love him, I have to admit that Austen's not a brainiac. He has mostly mastered sit, and he definitely knows his name, but other than that. . . notsomuch. I like to think that he's not unable to learn, just unwilling, but we are talking about a dog that attempted to poop while lifting his leg the other day.

It didn't work as well as he thought it would.

I've attempted to work with what he does naturally and try to attach a command to it. It's how I taught Scout to give me a high five and it was the most incredibly adorable thing ever (if I do say so myself). The problem is, when I attempt to give Austen any command he puts his ears back as if I'm screaming at him and climbs into my lap so that he can't do whatever it is I'm asking of him.

Every day when I come home from work Austen is so excited that he goes through an elaborate set of welcome home noises that range from "grumpy old man" to "purring kitten" with a little "Copper from the Fox and the Hound hound dog howl" thrown in for good measure. It is seriously so cute it makes me weak, but until today whenever I've turned on the camera he's put his ears back and crawled into my lap (maybe I should just call THAT his trick)

So, I've finally (kinda) succeeded in getting Austen to make some of his cute growly noises on camera. Sadly, in order to do so I've also recorded my impressions of his cute growly noises....which aren't so much cute as pathetic. So here you go:

ENJOY(or at least pretend like you did for that movie of your friend's one year old eating spaghetti)!

Tuesday Musings....

2010-01-26T19:19:00.000-08:00

1. KSL.com classifieds have 94 listings for beanbag chairs for sale. There's an entire category in furniture for beanbags alone. I don't know how I feel about that.

2. I know it's bad for the envirnonment, but Diet Coke tastes soooooo much better from a styrofoam cup. Add in crunchy Sonic ice and it's seriously over the top.

3. Bob's peppermint candy canes are the best peppermints ever. Hands down.

4. Butternut squash is delicious.

5. Las Vegas after a good long rain storm is clean and bright. I didn't know that was possible.

6. I'm pretty stoic about the rumors swirling that Brangelina are breaking up.

7. I'm taking great delight in designing groupings of pictures/items to hang on my wall.

8. I'm going on an Alaskan cruise this summer with my sister and parents. Even though it's months away, I'm getting really excited about it.

9. The computers in my classroom are out to get me.

10. I really need to go to the dentist. But I keep putting it off.

11. I find Zachary Levi from Chuck absolutely endearing.

(Oh look! My musings go to eleven.)

A little help for my friend...

2010-01-19T17:06:00.000-08:00

My wonderful friend Jillian over at Sunny Little Raincloud is attempting something truly wonderful. It would be awesome if you could head on over to her website and consider contributing to a truly wonderful cause.

Thanks

To add, or not to add, that is the question.

2010-01-11T07:38:00.000-08:00

As my students take their semester 1 finals I check my email. Advertisement, advertisement, email from Mom, Facebook friend request.

From Him.

A boy I loved at 18.

A boy who hurt me.

A boy I'd washed my hands of, but here he is, begging me to add him as a friend.

"Let's catch up!" he says. Catch up on what? How I've managed to go on living without you telling me how to do every little thing? On the "good times"?

"Please, please, please add me!" he begs. Over 15 years have passed and yet, I still feel the tug to capitulate. I am such a pleaser, and he seems to remember that. How can it be that I still care what this person thinks of me? Never mind the fact that he was emotionally abusive; I feel the need to make him happy once again.

and the kicker:

"I finally found you!" Here's the master stroke. The winning line. He's been searching for me, you see. I have been on his mind. Suddenly I'm 18 again and here's this boy who NEEDS me.

What can it hurt? It doesn't mean anything. I mean, look at all of the other people I've added. I comfort myself that he's unhappy and looking for old friends, that I'm in a much better place than him.

I add him as a friend. My stomach roils.

I look at his profile. Married. Three kids.

It hurts just to see his face.

Why did I do this? Does it mean I'm weak that he can hurt me just by existing? Would it be a sign of weakness to remove him now that I've added him?

Suddenly, I'm back in Melissa's truck parked next to him at a red light pretending to laugh so that I don't cry.

What do I do if he sends me a message? What if he wants to apologize? What does he want from me?

I don't care if it means I'm weak. I remove him from my list of "friends". As meaningless as that word has become I can't have him there.

My stomach settles.

Back to the finals.

Needed: Yard. STAT!!

2010-01-06T18:29:00.000-08:00

It won't come as a shock to anyone who knows me well that I really wish I had a backyard. For one, I have the cutest little dog in the world, and I'd love to be able to open the back door and send him out to poop late at night or early in the morning. I'm sure my neighbors who get to witness me in all my pajama-ed glory would also appreciate me having a yard of my own. For two, Austen seriously LOVES to runinandoutandinandoutandinandout of my sister's doggie door and would love to have one of his very own.

But.

The most important reason I'd like to have a backyard, is because then I could invite Jamie Durie to make it into an "Outdoor Room" for me.

I'm not much of a gardner by nature, but I think Jamie could convince me for several reasons:

1. He's GOhohohohoorgeous.
2. He's Australian (meeyow)
3. He loves dogs

4. He's from a part of Sydney named, I kid you not, Manly, Australia.
5. He creates incredibly beautiful gardens.

and, if those aren't reason enough, there's always this:

Yeah. He hangs with Oprah.

I know.

Yes. I'm a dork

2010-01-06T13:46:00.001-08:00

But my long forgotten crush on Jimmy Fallon? BACK ON BABY. Why? Because of this impromptu little concert with my idol Miss Piggy and other various muppets:

And Kermit? I've never stopped crushing on you.

(found via bestweekever.tv )

My hair MUST look really good...

2009-12-17T12:41:00.000-08:00

All day today, two junior boys have been following me around between class periods serenading me with voice and guitar.

The funny thing is, when I taught them last year one of them barely said two words to me from August through June. Huh.

(This is the same boy I made the mistake of asking "Why in the world do you sag your skinny jeans?" I won't give the answer here, because--trust me-- you really don't want to know.)

I have never been so appealing to the male gender.

Too bad they're 17 and I'm not a sicko.

The Return of the Back Handed Compliment

2009-12-17T10:56:00.000-08:00

Today in 6th period, one of my students stopped me and said,

"Miss, me and Tyrell think your hair looks really pretty today."

Ahh. That's nice, right?

The problem isn't in what was said. The problem is in the way that it was said. I'm going to write that sentence again with emphasis added:

"Miss, me and Tyrell think your hair looks really pretty TODAY."

You see, it's the TODAY that I have a problem with. While I'm happy that my hair, does in fact, look pretty TODAY, I'd like to think that it looks pretty on a regular basis.

I've got to get up early more often. Seriously.

I can't catch a break...

2009-12-14T10:30:00.000-08:00

Every day at the end of third period, we have announcements. If my school could ever get their act together, these announcements will be live video, but for now, they are just a student reading them over the intercom. It's not interesting, so I can kind of understand my students not listening too closely. Today, however, my third period class was so incredibly loud that it was impossible to hear the announcements AT ALL.

I don't know if it was because it's the last week of school before winter break, or because I don't feel good today, but either way I just couldn't take it.

I stood up and yelled at them: "You guys! You need to be quiet so that people CAN hear the announcements! You are being incredibly rude!!"

Silence decended. The announcements ended. And, through the wall, from the Spanish classroom next door, came the faint sounds of

Labamba by Los Lobos.

Kinda undercut my tirade.

I laughed until I cried. . . Oh wait, the crying came first...

2009-12-12T11:13:00.000-08:00

Twilight Years from Tom on Vimeo.

Thanks Jill

What Not To Wear (While Taking out the Trash...)

2009-12-01T22:18:00.001-08:00

In a couple of weeks my sister Christy is going to inaugurate my guest room. I'm really excited about someone other than me enjoying my carefully decorated little hobbit hole.

However....the fact that she's coming means that I need to muck out my "guest room" which has been my "cram all of that crap I don't know what to do with room" since I moved in this summer. I've spent the last two afternoons/evenings working on the mucking out process. I've hung new wire shelves to augment the closet organizer (when I told my sister Jamie what I was doing, she responded "Shelves in the closet? Happy thought, indeed!" which is pretty much the best thing anyone has ever said to me.); shredded old unused checks; reorganized my wrapping paper, ribbons, scrapbooking materials, paper and cardstock, sewing materials, yarn, etc.; and taken many many many bags of trash out to the dumpster.

While I've been doing all of this mucking out, shelf hanging, and organizing, I've been watching TiVo'd episodes of What Not to Wear. (It's one of my favorite shows that I don't really watch so much as have on in the background while I do other things.) Repeatedly Clinton Kelly (my third favorite gay man in the whole wide world, behind NPH and John Barrowman) has told the women on the show "The clothes you wear tell other people how to treat you." or "When you dress better, you'll attract a much better quality of man."

Clinton Kelly, you were right.

Apparently wearing a bleach stained BYU t-shirt and stretched out jeans screams, "Yooooooo Hooooooo 20 year old drug dealer who lives three doors down!! Come on over and hit on me in front of this stinky dumpster!! Oh, and could you bring your buddy carrying a 40 and your huge pit bull that's not on a leash?"

Maybe I'm being overly judgemental. Maybe this guy isn't a drug dealer at all. It's possible that all of those people who drive in to our parking lot, text him, and give him money without getting out of the car are all his friends who're repaying a loan. Maybe he has to talk to them out in the parking lot 'cause he hasn't had time to straighten up his place. I mean, most 20 year old thuggy guys are friends with middle aged twitchy eyed women....right?

Maybe this is the answer to the man plan. I could do worse, right? He's a self employed go getter and he loves animals. What more could I ask for?

Just follow the yellow brick road officers!!

2009-11-23T19:14:00.001-08:00

Can't for the life of me figure out why they haven't caught this guy yet...

That'll do it.

2009-11-17T16:23:00.000-08:00

First of all I need to explain my school. No, too long. Let me sum up....

I work at a magnet high school, which means it's a public school, but the students have to apply to get in and meet minimum requirements for acceptance. On top of that, they must maintain acceptable academic and behavioral levels in order to remain enrolled. In other words: students can be kicked out of the school for grades and/or behavioral issues.

While most of the students at our school chose to be there and are proud to attend, we do have a group of students who 1. were forced to attend by their parents or 2. chose to come, but after attending for a while realized (usually because of the level of instruction and student expectations) that the school is not for them.

Sometimes students from these two groups choose to get themselves kicked out of the school, generally through bad grades or behavior.

During lunch today a sophomore (but NOT one of my students) decided that failing all of his classes might take too darn long and took matters into his own hands.

He went into the bathroom, smoked a joint, stripped down to his underwear, and streaked through the lunch room full of students brandishing another joint in his upraised hand.

Mission. Accomplished.

* Update: apparently, the joint in his hand was just a cigarette. I know. It's dissapointing, but does the fact that his boxers had "Italian Stallion" across the buttocks help soften the blow?

He's not a smart dog...

2009-11-04T18:32:00.000-08:00

I spent a half an hour today attempting to get Austen to make his cute growly noises on camera. I was completely unsuccessful.

Then I saw this dog:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

and felt even worse.

Austen is seriously coasting on his good looks.

What happens on Nevada Day....

2009-10-30T12:00:00.000-07:00

It's Nevada Day, everybody!! Every October 31st (or the closest Friday or Monday to it) every government organization shuts down for the day in reverence of the day that Nevada became a state.

I can't decide whether the day is supposed to be a celebration of the state or an apology to everyone who has the misfortune to live here. Kind of like, "Hey. We know you don't really want to be here, but would it make it better if you got a day off at the end of October? Yes? Good. Happy Nevada Day."

Either way, I love it. It's really my favorite thing about living in Las Vegas. Although, that's like saying that the steam facials are your favorite part of living in Hell.

Whatever. It's a day off. It's a day off that means I never have to work on Halloween, my second to last favorite day as a teacher. This is my first Nevada Day actually spent in the state. Last year I went to California to visit Jillian, and the year before that? I think I went to Utah. Anyway, today I'm cleaning my house, running some errands, and enjoying my fancy new TiVo. It's a good day.

It's Nevada Day, and it makes living in Nevada 1% more bearable.

Strange Bedfellows

2009-10-25T22:09:00.001-07:00

Sometimes the parts of a thing are better than the sum of its parts. Take chocolate covered pretzels, steampunk, or Spaghetti Westerns.

Sometimes, however, the equation just flat-out stinks:

Case in point:

the fandelier.

Keepin' it Klassy folks. Keepin' it Klassy.

Dream a little dream with me....

2009-10-21T13:44:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamt that I was engaged to Patton Oswalt.

I will admit to the fact that I find him strangely attractive. Funny and talented goes a long way with me (and his bit about the KFC Famous bowl? Priceless. He calls it a failure pile in a sadness bowl. I love that). And there he was, in my dream. Engaged to me. And Mormon. (Even in my dream I had a hard time buying that one, what with his love of the F bomb and all.)

Anyway, after playing several rounds of Wii bowling and telling my mom that we were engaged we decided to go to a ward party (as you do on the day you get engaged). At the party we ran in to Mama Duggar who couldn't have been happier for us.

Maybe upgrading to Preferred Basic Cable was a bad idea....

How long 'til Wednesday?

2009-10-19T15:33:00.001-07:00

Too long, let me tell ya. I swear, it's like the writers of Glee have looked into my soul and found my most favorite cheesy ballads of all time. Coming up Wednesday possibly the best so far....

And Puck ain't bad either.

It's a Long Way From Your Heart.

2009-10-15T18:52:00.000-07:00

My dad isn't big on sympathy. This has a lot to do with being raised by two no nonsense parents on a family farm, but more to do with his super human pain threshold. The man has suffered more physical pain than 10 people put together, and he has never, ever, let it stop him. As an adult, I can understand why these two things have short circuited his sympathy receptors. As a child.....notsomuch.

Growing up, if my siblings or I got hurt in some way and came up to him (or, to be honest, Mom who was generally sitting near him) crying and holding our injuries, we were told to "stop your blubbering. It's a long way from your heart." The other, even less comforting response, given most often when he was feeling a little more irritated and/or obnoxious was: "we could always amputate at the neck." I know it will shock you, but as a child I never found either of these responses overly comforting. Have you ever tried to stop your blubbering mid blubber? It's not as easy as you might think. And amputation at the neck? Even as a very small child I was pretty certain he was kidding, but......

Now that we're adults we laugh about it, often using either of these catch phrases as a short hand explanation for our adult behavior. For instance, after spending nearly 24 hours in excruciating pain before heading to the emergency room, I could quickly explain why I hadn't considered my condition serious: "I figured it was a long way from my heart."

When I arrived and they asked me to rate my pain on a scale of 1 to 10 (which is the most idiotic thing ever. Hmmmmmmm. I'm doubled over and crying from the pain in my abdomen, and you want me to choose which sad face best resembles what I'm feeling? Really??) I said "Uh, eight?" and the nurse rolled her eyes at me and said, "You're at a 10." Well, if she KNEW, why did she ask me? Huh? I mean, ask a stupid question....

On a side note: My dad had a massive heart attack a few years ago right before Christmas. It was terrifying, but after it was clear that he was going to make it all of us kids admitted to each other that we'd each been tempted to tell him to suck it up 'cause "it's a long way from your heart." I don't know that he'd have found it as funny as we did.

Why do I bring this up? Well, the other night as I was chopping lettuce for a Chinese Chicken Salad to take to a work potluck, I cut the heck out of my thumb. It was a little like this:

It took several bandaids, nearly an entire roll of toilet paper, and a lot of swearing to finally get the bleeding under control (I think it was the swearing that finally did it). Once it stopped bleeding through multiple bandaids in a matter of seconds I decided I'd be fine. I mean, it was a long way from my heart, and so what if my thumb had developed a pulse so pronounced I could both see and feel the blood pumping to the injury site?

(2 days post-chop.)

When I spoke to my sister Christy later that night she asked me if I had considered going to Urgent Care to make sure it didn't need stitches. I told her, "Pffft! It's a long way from my heart. If it's still bleeding profusely tomorrow I'll go."

I know this makes me sound super tough, but down deep I think I might have been afraid they'd decide to amputate at the neck.

Mission accomplished Dad. Mission accomplished.

What I did... Vol. 2: "Close, But No Chandelier"

2009-10-10T20:29:00.000-07:00

When I moved into the condo I decided I wanted to go the full girly girl route with my bedroom. I based my entire design plan on the following:

I do not personally own any Tiffany's jewelry and frankly, I'm not willing to spend that kind of money on jewelry for myself. I'd rather have someone else buy me some (and we all know that ain't happening any time soon.). The fact that my own taste in jewelry leans more toward the funky than the classic hasn't stopped me from wanting a little blue box of my very own. Instead of buying a piece of jewelry just for the box, I decided to create, for not much more than the price of this teeeeeeeeny tiny little Tiffany's box,

this one

that I get to sleep in. Pretty huh?

I pretty much started from scratch with this room. I bought a new bed for only $100 from Ikea, and instead of bedside tables I chose to hang floating shelves on either side of the bed for a total of $40. Not too shabby, eh?

Then I bought two new lamps for $80 total and they are gorgeous:

They are made of acrylic and when they're lit they almost shimmer like the chandelier of my dreams.

I also found these super cute curtains for $40:

when I first found them I couldn't decide if they were the most fabulous curtains I'd ever seen or the most horrible ones. I'm glad I was brave and bought them instead of my normal boring route, 'cause I think they give the room a little something special.

A couple of weeks ago on a visit to my parents' house, my mom and I went shopping at our favorite little antique shop ever where I found this beatiful plate and creamer set:

totally unneccessary, but completely adorable. In the same vein are the vintage hand embroidered peacock pillow cases (from a different antique store):

that I had the same internal struggle over as the curtains.

To finish the whole thing off I used a duvet cover I already had, and bought a set of new Tiffany's blue sheets and two fluffy white rugs that I can't keep Austen off of.

In the end, I have a room that I love so much that I clap with glee when I come home. Not too shabby, not too expensive, and way better than that bracelet.

Cheaper than therapy....

2009-10-09T19:30:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time when I was a junior at BYU I had a day when it felt like all the forces in the Universe (and my evil American Literature professor) were conspiring against me. I came home in a lather of anger, frustration and bile muttering incoherent threats aimed at peoplewhothinktheyknoweverythingjustbecausethey'republishedpoets, and bemoaning my sad state--brilliant, but misunderstood.

Somehow, the anger I felt at my professor expanded to include all of the boys who refused to love me until I rolled it all into a fiery ball of righteous indignation. "Why do I allow these MEN to influence me?!" I bellowed in misguided feminist furor.

I knew just what to do. I would CUT MY HAIR!! That would show all of them.

Why did I have long hair in the first place? To please boys, that's why, and what good was it doing me? Did those boys ask me out? NO!! (Perhaps this experience sheds some light on one of the reasons they didn't. Hmmmmm. Nah! I'm charming, darn it!)

Luckily, I marched my indignant self to the lovely and talented Betsy (who cuts my sister's hair to this day) who gave me this haircut:

It was 1995. Don't be hatin'.

Anywho, that haircut changed my whole perspective. I felt sassy and in control, and those boys who told me to never cut my hair yet never asked me out? Well... they still didn't ask me out, but they thought my hair was cute.

Flash forward to now. I've had really long hair for a really long time and it was just boring me to death. I feared cutting it, not because of the rejection of men (I have come to terms with the fact that I am, in fact, a man repeller) but because I didn't want to have old white lady/mom hair.

The start of this school year has been incredibly stressful for a host of reasons I'm not going to get into here for fear of releasing the "Indignation Beast" that still resides inside me, and things finally built to a boiling point. What did I do? I made an appointment with the lovely and talented Melinda who is cheaper than a shrink AND is really good with a straightening iron.

She listened to my incoherent ramblings (IhatethewayIlookeverysingledayandIdon'tknowwhattodo'causeIdon'twantmomhairorlooklikeRonaldMcDonaldsowhatshouldIdo?) calmed my fears, and gave me the cutest, sassiest, non mom hair cut ever. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

So here it is:

Straight:

Curly:

A good haircut can save your life.... or your sanity.

I have no words....

2009-10-09T19:15:00.000-07:00

Tear. Sob. Gulp.

What I did over my summer vacation: Home Edition.

2009-10-07T15:26:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know, I moved from my second floor, one bedroom apartment into the first floor two bedroom condo my parents own here in Vegas. On a list of my 100 least favorite things to do in the world, moving would come in hmmmmmmm somewhere around #3 after teaching Sophomores to write research papers and gall bladder attacks (Have I mentioned that Summer '09 was the summer of the gall bladder attack? No? Oh well, that's another post for another day).

Anyway, moving in required rearranging furniture, figuring out what went where, painting, and cleaning. Luckily I had two things going for me:

1. My sister Christy took some time off work to help me get started, and

2. I'm a teacher, and therefore have the summer off.

I painted the main area of the condo a pretty medium spring green. It's really serene and lovely, and I can use some serenity in my life.

I've added a few new items to my decor, and I'm pretty pleased with them all. First of all, I moved out of an apartment that had wall to wall carpeting into one with laminate floors. That meant that I needed area rugs for the living room and master bedroom. At first I thought I could wait awhile for those purchases, but after two weeks of watching the corgi hair monsters chase each other around my living room and Austen's pathetic attempts at jumping on the couch I was convinced otherwise. If I waited any longer Austen and I would have both needed therapy.

I planned on buying this rug:

for $220. I like it a lot and it had the right colors, plus I loved the pattern. But, in my shopping I found another rug with similar colors for $65. I like the second rug even more than I liked the first one and it was WAY less than half the price. That made my stingy little heart sing, and Austen's neurosis recede a bit.

Additionally, right before I moved out of my old apartment I was sitting on the floor in front of the table I was using as an entertainment center and because of my gimpy foot, I needed help getting up. I put my hand on the table to use as support and stabilization so that I could stand, and as I stood I heard "CRRRRAAAAACK!" and immediately began to weep. You may ask yourself, "Maury, why you cry? It's just a table!". But, you see, this table is not "just" a table. It's a table that my grandfather created with his own two hands out of cedar that he himself harvested (probably illegally) from the foothills of the Bighorn mountains, planed in his shop, and then carefully pieced together. Additionally, this table was in my home as I grew up making it important not just to me, but to my entire family. I was also crying because here was obvious proof that I am a big fat fatty. My body weight alone killed a family heirloom.

Luckily, my father is an incredible at wood working, so my table is sitting in his shop awaiting the end of cabin season when it will emerge phoenix-like and take its rightful place in my livingroom.

Long story short, I needed a new console table. I bought this one:

That cost me more than I've spent on any one piece of furniture in my life. I resisted spending the money, but my mom told me that I needed to grow up and buy big girl furniture. Thank you Mom. It was an interesting experience to buy furniture that didn't come in a box and need to be put together with wooden pegs and an allen wrench.

Of course, now that table makes my dining room set:

look kinda silly. I think I'm out of my "Early Chewed By Austen" phase(Luckily for him, so is Austen).

All in all, I'm really happy with the result. I have a few things left to do, but for the most part it's done.

Pretty, huh?

Next time: The Bedroom.....

I'm baaaaaaaack!

2009-10-04T18:55:00.002-07:00

I can hardly believe it, but I'm sitting here in my own little apartment typing this post on my computer. I have so much to say about the whole ordeal, but that's a different post. Mostly I'm just giddy to be back blogging. I've really missed it.

There are definitely more posts to come, but for now I'd like to share 4 things, maybe 5...

1. This weekend was General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I've been treated to a two day spiritual feast. I was moved to tears often and the messages and lessons I've been taught this weekend have strengthened my resolve to be a better person. I realize that I've allowed myself to become very spiritually lazy over the past year or so, and it's time to make some changes. I recieved answers to prayers I'd yet to utter, and I know that I want to be a better person than I've been. The highlight of the two days was, for me, Elder Holland's
talk. His testimony of the prophet Joseph Smith and The Book of Mormon has inspired me to begin reading and studying The Book of Mormon from the beginning starting tonight. I'm going to attempt to finish by Christmas. We'll see how it goes.

2.I've agreed to teach an extra class this year. This is one of the only extra duty assignments in public education that is actually worth the money they pay you, but it is tiring. I get my first extra payment this next Friday, and I'm looking forward to it. I've decided that to celebrate I'm buying myself a TiVo. I know. I dream big.

3. My sister Christy and I have begun planning our super fabulous vacation for summer of 2010. We have some ideas, but welcome any input. I know that a certain Nashville bus tour is under consideration, at least for me.

4. Jim and Pam are getting married this week. So, don't bother trying to call Thursday, October 8th between 9 and 10 pm pacific time. My phone will be off. I will be living vicariously through my two dimensional friends and squelching the desire to scream "Don't marry her Jim! You love meeeeeeeeeee!" at the top of my lungs. (I love you John Krasinski, and I forgive you for robbing me of those two hours.)

5. I have a new t.v. obsession: It's an appropriate title because it fills my heart with glee each an every week.

That is partly because of the super FAAAAABULOUS musical numbers like this one:

and partly because of this man:

Matthew Morrison, who is both adorable and incredibly talented. What makes him so special? Maybe it's his curly hair, or his cute smile, or the way he dances when he's singing "Gold digger", or the sweet earnestness of his character, or, or, I just don't know. I just know that I love him. I'm sorry Toby. I do.

So there you go. I think this post is my blog in a nutshell: from the sublime to the ridiculous. What can I say. I'm complex. I'm deep. I like cute boys.

Guess what's on tonight????

2009-09-17T14:03:00.001-07:00

Awwwwwwwww yeah. Welcome back Dunder Miflin, welcome back.

This one's for you Christy

2009-09-17T12:50:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry.

I'm really really sorry.

I haven't posted in a really long time. I have reasons:

1. My computer is still broken (but hopefully on the mend as we speak)

2. I've sold my prep and am teaching 7, count 'em 7 Sophomore English classes. (Seriously, I deserve a medal or some sort of baked tribute. Really. I am NOT looking forward to teaching this many kids research papers. There may be lives lost, orrrrr I'll get really whiny.)

3. I'm not feelin' it enough to stay after school even longer than I currently have to in order to post on the blog.

When one or two of these three things change, I'll be back at it. I promise.

Me Today....

2009-08-20T14:53:00.000-07:00

But hopefully not tomorrow.

Recurring Nightmares....

2009-08-19T14:02:00.001-07:00

1. Showing up to a final in college for a class that I forgot I'd signed up for and never attended. I arrive with 1 ripped piece of paper and a little stubby pencil. The test is book length and when it starts the professor says "You may use your notes on the final." At that point everyone in class pulls out 5" binders full of notes and I cry.

2. I am being chased by a psychotic serial killer who has killed each of my family members in turn as we run, panicked through the deserted streets of some unknown town. Right before I wake up I'm hiding in a stairwell and can hear him coming.

3. I go to school/work/etc. fully dressed, but as the day progresses my clothes become increasingly shredded until I'm frantically trying to cover vital body parts with rags.

4. I am required to be on stage in front of an incredibly large group of people to a) sing a song I don't know
b) teach an incredibly detailed and complex concept
c) perform in a play I have never read, let alone rehearsed or memorized lines for.

5. I have written down the wrong date for the start of school and show up 4 hours late for my first day of work.

Guess which one came true today?????

At least my clothes are intact.

Another Apology...

2009-08-01T17:09:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I'm still alive and kicking, although I'm so tired I'm not kicking very hard....

It's been a long hot summer and without a working computer I haven't been able to blog at all. I'm currently using a computer at the public library, which is an experience in and of itself, but I don't have the time to do it justice right now.

I've been traveling, packing boxes, painting, spackling (sp?), unpacking boxes, napping, family reunioning, crying happy tears for a friend's new baby, reading, painting, hanging pictures, visiting my dear friend Jaci Claire and my new best friend Emma, swimming in Zion's, cleaning, unpacking boxes, painting, cleaning, etc. . .

I would love to promise you juicy details, but I'm shooting for a working computer some time in the next month and then we'll see how it goes. I do promise pictures when all is said and done.

So, please hang in there, and don't give up on my blog. I will begin writing again in earnest asap.

Love you all!!

An Apology and a Gift

2009-06-29T19:36:00.000-07:00

First of all I know it's been a long time since I posted. I have several reasons for this:

1. My computer is broken...

2. I've been traveling (I'm in Vancouver, WA as we speak), and

3. I didn'wanna.

But, then my friend Jillian showed me something so wonderful, so on the mark, so the answer to all of life's big questions that I had to share.

There it is. The way a REAL woman deals with a whiny, overwrought, sappy vampire.

Sign me up for Team Buffy. (Thanks again Jillian!)

Nowhere to run to baby. Nowhere to hide.

2009-06-17T20:43:00.000-07:00

In preparation for my super fabulous Pacific Northwest vacay with Jill I went out and bought a bathing suit today.

I was stoic and emotionally detached in the store, AAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD

then I came home and crawled under the covers and contemplated sucking my thumb. I think I may have hit rock bottom.

But, I will squeeze my chubby body into that torture device and no matter how many people on the Oregon coast will be scarred for life just by seeing so much of me in so little, I am determined to have a good time.

Girl power and chub love aside, I might want to skip the whale watching. Wouldn't want any parallels drawn.

I think he's on to something...

2009-06-03T10:43:00.001-07:00

(Thanks Malissa!)

They gave me candy and called me their light...

2009-06-02T11:57:00.000-07:00

The past two days have been emotional for me. So emotional that I don't know how to write about them, but I'm going to try.

For the past three years I've taught AVID at my school. AVID (Advancement Via Individual Determination) is a program that aims to help students in the middle who have potential, learn the skills and take the rigorous classes necessary to gain admission to a 4 year university upon graduating from high school. I believe in AVID. I believe because I've seen it work.

My school, due to budgetary concerns, has cut the AVID program for next year. My students and I have known about this for quite some time, but it's still a hard pill to swallow. I've spent three years with these kids, taught them organization skills, how to work effectively in groups, how to write better papers, how to talk appropriately with their teachers and peers, SAT and ACT test taking skills..... and now the class is no more. I'm heartsick. I'm going to miss ending the day with my kids.

I didn't always feel this way about them. Freshman year was rough, and I spent many afternoons in my classroom crying in frustration. That was the year I:

1. repeatedly shot down the idea that AVID was special ed,
2. constantly had to command them to stop touching each other innappropriately,
3. reminded them almost daily that they were in high school, not elementary
4. was present for more than one disciplinary hearing,
5. filled my recycling bin with the contents of 1 student's disgusting backpack at least 3 times.
6. lost the lid to my Candy Jar after the class decided to see how far it would fly,
and
7. thought I was incapable of loving them.

Sophomore year was better, but I still wondered if this group would EVER catch the vision and get with the program. Halfway through the school year I realized that I truly loved my class, warts and all. This was also the time when one of my students gave up completely and began to act out in such a terrible manner that I had to write my first referral in 5 years. I had to kick a lot of kids out of AVID at the end of Sophomore year, and that hurt, but it was the right thing to do.

This year AVID has been the best part of my day. I was blessed to have AVID for my 8th period class and so we ended each day together. On the first day of school my AVID students walked in and we were just so happy to be together again. We talked about the year and the challenges they would be facing. They asked me intelligent questions about the SAT and ACT tests they'd be taking. I finally saw that although it didn't seem like it, they'd actually been listening to me.

We worked hard this year, and my students challenged themselves to a level they'd never done before. We loved AVID and we loved each other. We had finally become a family. Gone were the cliques and hurtful names, gone was the drama that had plagued our first two years. What we had left was a group of kids that worked incredibly well together, that wanted to help each other succeed.

Then, halfway through this year came the news that AVID had become another victim of our economy. I kept the news from my students as long as I could, but by the beginning of 2nd semester I had to tell them. They took it badly. We cried. We were angry. But we kept working.

My AVID students continued to participate in tutorial groups even when we had no tutors. They continued to listen to my *ahem* wise words of advice. They carried on. They embodied as a group the words of one of their classmates who said "We are AVID. They can cancel the class, but they can't get rid of AVID because it's inside of us."

On the day of finals, I planned a special awards ceremony where I talked about each student and gave them an award. We cried through the entire thing and had to hug it out when it was over. I thought, "Well that was tough, but at least it's over now."

Notsomuch. Today they all came into my class during the break between finals to present me with a scrapbook they'd made for me. Each student wrote me a letter and they'd also put in pictures I took of each of them wearing my graduation robes from UNLV. They wrote that they would be friends forever, and that they were ready for what lay ahead. The last page states "This is not the end..."

It made me cry. BIG SHUDDERING UGLY SOBS and reminded me of the end of Dangerous Minds where Michelle Pfieffer's character decides to continue teaching even though it nearly killed her. Her friend says "How'd they get you to stay?" She replies, "They gave me candy and called me their light." and he says, "That'll do it."

He's right. That'll do it.

2009-05-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

That's how I'm feeling.

Meh.

That's why I haven't posted.

Don't get me wrong, I've had a good couple of weeks. I got to go to my parents' cabin this weekend, I'm walking on two feet without the aid of the walking boot or crutches, and school's out in 1 1/2 weeks. I should be happy, planning my summer and looking forward to the sleeping in and other lovely things....

But.....

meh.

Well, I can now just up and die of happiness...

2009-05-14T13:01:00.000-07:00

Awhile ago I wrote about the wonders of the new BBC television series Robin Hood. I waxed poetic about the fun story lines and cute boys and related the sad news that I do not, in fact, have BBC America, and therefore have to wait until each season is released on dvd.

I thought that would be all I'd have to say on the subject,(on this lil' ole' blog anyway) but I was wrong. Ohhhhhhh how I was wrong.

Because, you see, in series three not only is Richard Armitage

back playing the evil (yet yummy) Guy of Gisborne,

and cutey pie Jonas Armstrong

as the cheeky, yet righteous Robin

but new to the show is,

wait for it.....

My boyfriend Toby Stephens playing Prince John!!!!!!!!!!

And I will love him, even though he wants to kill adorable little Robin Hood.

So let's get this straight. In a British show that I already love, I get to watch

him, and

him, and (be still my beating heart)

him?

As my friend Ricci put it "There could be absolutely no plot and this would still be the best show on TV."

Damn. I'm going to have to get BBC America.

Things You Should Check Out, Volume 4

2009-05-11T20:08:00.000-07:00

This beautiful little jewel of a film came out my freshman year in college (1992) but for some unfathomable reason, wasn't released on dvd in the U.S. until last week. I have personally been waiting for this film since I converted my movie collection to dvd a few years ago.

If you don't know what this movie's about, I can sum it up with one word: Love. Love of self, love of others, love of those who are difficult to love, love of nature, love of strangers.

It's the story of four British women who, for individual reasons decide to share a vacation at an Italian castle for the month of April. At first they struggle with themselves and each other, but because one is willing to love unconditionally the castle becomes a home, a "bucket of love". These women are transformed because they step outside themselves and choose to be different than they've always been.

My favorite moment is when Lottie (played by the magical Josie Lawrence) makes the realization that the problems in her marriage were not solely the responsibility of her cold and distant husband. She decides that instead of loving him in the manner he has loved her (not very well), she will love him with her whole heart. What a powerful message.

I also love that these women were miserable and instead of wallowing in it, chose to step outside of their comfort zone and make a difference in their lives. It makes me want to do the same (and a month in an Italian castle wouldn't hurt, you know?)

Finally, it's beautiful. A feast for the eyes.

Of course, this is a woman's movie (I refuse to call it a chick flick. It's too special for that), a period piece, and British. If those things aren't your cup o' tea, I understand, but I'd hate for you to miss it.

Look Ma! Two feet!!

2009-05-08T14:30:00.000-07:00

My doctor's visit went well, my foot's healing, everthing's in the right place, and my doctor told me I could start trying to walk without the boot.

He gave me three rules:

1. No Running.
2. No Jumping.
3. No Falling. (Wah wah wah!)

When we left the office my mom and I decided to go to Target, 'cause why wouldn't we? She dropped me off at the door and I took my first non-booted steps. It felt like I was walking on a marshmallow, a magical, pain shooting marshmallow.

Yesterday I was able to walk without the boot through my first three class period, but by the end of 6th period I was hurting. Last night was also our AVID Awards Night, and I didn't want to wear jeans, so I put on a skirt, tights and flats and went with out the boot. It was probably too much, but I looked cute, so I felt like it was worth it.

I came home and put on the boot, frantically cleaning and packing for my trip to Utah this weekend for Mother's Day. Let me tell you a little something about me: When I get into a cleaning jag I become single minded. Let me tell you a little something else: Because I switched from shoe to boot midday I brought my left tennis shoe home in a Trader Joe's bag along with my water bottles and lunch stuff.

Sooooooooo to make a long story short, I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned until I had three bags of trash to take out. Although I was tired and my foot was hurting, I clomped down my stairs with three bags of trash narrowly avoiding rule #3.

On my way back from the dumpster, my neighbor congratulated me "Good job girl! Next you'll be running a marathon!" I felt all warm and fuzzy.

Later that night after I'd taken a bath and removed my boot I started to lay out my clothes for today and realized I couldn't find my left shoe. I searched everywhere, finally realizing that the Trader Joe's bag was no where to be found. "Where in the world did I put the...."

Oh.

Poopy.

I threw it away.

In the dumpster.

Downstairs.

So, because I was tired and couldn't stomach the idea of putting the boot back on I gimped my way downstairs with wet hair and no bra and jammies to pull my trash out of the dumpster to search for my missing shoe.

I got down there only to realize that the dumpster was nearly empty which meant that unless I had developed super human reach, broke rule #2, or both, I couldn't reach my garbage sacks.

I didn't feel warm and fuzzy. Instead I felt sweaty and prickly as I thought:

Oh

Poopy.

I have to go upstairs, get the step ladder, gimp back down here, and THEN pull trash out of the dumpster to find my shoe.

And that's what I did.

By the time I got back to my apartment with my shoe but without some of my dignity, my foot felt like it was on fire.

At least I didn't

Run
Jump, or
Fall.

THAT would have been bad.

Look What I Can Do!

2009-05-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in a previous post I attempted, but failed to make a homemade banana cream pie.

I considered giving up completely after the rubbery mass I produced the first time, but my mama didn't raise no quitter.

Soooooooo, although I live alone and knew I'd probably end up eating enough banana cream pie to make me puke and increase the size of my hiney, I persevered. I'm not one to back down from a challenge... especially one in pie form (mmmm pie).

The custard for this pie is made from brown sugar rather than white, and includes both cinnamon and nutmeg, so it's not the traditional vanilla custard used in banana cream pies. Intriguing, no? This time I knew a little better what I was doing, ignored some of the more confusing directions while making the custard and ended up with this:

instead of the rubbery industrial sludge I got last time.

Then, after waiting for the custard to set, I layered custard and bananas and custard and bananas and then made the topping from whipped cream, vanilla, and sour cream. It was so pretty when I finished:

Here's a cross section:

mmmmmmmmmm. And, it tastes better than it looks. Really. And if you don't believe me, ask these two people:

(actual yummy faces.)

If you'd like to have one of these lovelies for your very own you can find the recipe here. (Just don't cook the custard as long as they tell you to. When it get's to pudding texture STOP cooking people!!)

Why I will be seeing X-Men Origins: Wolverine

2009-04-30T21:13:00.000-07:00

It's not because of this guy:

as lovely as he is (have you seen Australia? Probably not, but let me tell you....hubba hubba).

I'm going because this guy:

from my favorite tv show about high school sports is playing Gambit, a character who's super power is in some way related to fiery playing cards? Sorry X-Men ~~nerds~~ enthusiasts, I don't follow this stuff. I'm just in it for the cute boys.

But....the thing that made me decide to see this movie (even though I don't generally get excited about comic book related films) is that playing Hugh Jackman's half brother is this guy:

My boyfriend Alex (known as Aaron Jefferey in real life)! I know I might be the ONLY person in America who's decision to see this mega big budget shoot 'em up action film was made by the fact that a little known (in the U.S.) Australian television actor is playing a small supporting role.

But hey. That's how I roll.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

2009-04-29T19:01:00.000-07:00

1. The Good: My students participated in a Socratic Seminar on Elie Wiesel's Nobel Peace Prize Acceptance Speech today, and for the most part they did so well it made my teacher heart grow three sizes too big. One boy came up with two of the most complex, beautiful and applicable analogies to explain an important concept I have ever heard and caused me to think about Wiesel's words in a new light. Of course I had one group that decided that instead of having an open dialogue that they would fight for the sake of fighting and ignore my repeated warnings. I yelled. But the good thing is, I was able to calm down and give them constructive criticism when all was said and done.

2. The Bad: My doctor's appointment originally scheduled for tomorrow in Mesquite, NV has been rescheduled for NEXT Wednesday in St. George Utah. This is bad for a couple of reasons. a)It's another week before I can ask my doctor any questions or find out how long I need to wear this boot or how I'm coming along, and b)it's a further drive and a change in time zones. I'm going to have to leave school early, and even though it won't cost the district one thin dime (my prep period is last on Wednesdays) I'm going to have to take a half a day.

3. The Ugly: I attempted to make a banana cream pie from scratch today. I've never made a custard before and it ended up the texture of soft rubber and the color of sludge. It didn't taste bad (so I'll try it again), but it was a strange texture and it was UGGGGLLLLY.

Missing m'boy

2009-04-28T14:44:00.000-07:00

(*not Austen)

When my doctor first told me I'd be off my feet for 6 weeks I imagined jumping right back into life after six weeks with my foot up.

Reality has been a bit different.

Part of the difference between expectation and reality came when I was staying with my sister Christy and realized that I wouldn't be able to go up and down the stairs the 3-4 times (beyond going to and returning from work) necessary to take care of Austen. Luckily Christy is wonderful and was willing to let me leave my boy until I could take care of him on my own.

Now I miss that little turkey. I come home and it's so quiet and lonely. I got used to having people around, so the loneliness is harder than usual, but no Austen?? Talk about adding injury to insult.

So here I am missing him, and he's in hog heaven at her house. She has a yard, a dog door, an almost unlimited supply of dog toys, and best of all Brie:

the proud owner of half of Austen's brain (which is only fair since he owns half of hers). So, while I'm looking forward to his return, I'm sure he's not.

Luckily he's wearing out his welcome at Christy's

(*Christy assures me that the look of shame was staged. You can't make this dog feel bad.)

If this is what he does with a yard and two dogs to play with, what's he going to do when he comes back home??

Oh my goodness, imagine the carnage.

Expectations so low you can step right over them...without crutches

2009-04-27T15:58:00.000-07:00

I've been walking sans crutches or anything else since midway through the school day Friday. It's exciting and makes it much easier to do REALLY crazy exciting things like carry a stack of papers across the room. I'm really happy that I'm progressing, and it's exciting to realize that someday I will be able to walk normally again.

That being said, the reaction of my students and colleagues has been a little unexpected.

For instance: In 5th period I walked to the front of my classroom to write something on the board and one of my students exclaimed "You're walking without your crutches!" and then the class broke into applause. Seriously.

At lunch I walked into Mary's classroom where the English department eats together. One of my colleagues said, "You're walking without crutches! Good job!"

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the encouragement, but it felt a little like the kind of praise you give a toddler after their first wobbly steps or big girl poopy in the potty.

But, hey! I guess I shouldn't complain. I usually have to do a LOT more to impress these people.

Count your many blessings, name them one by one...

2009-04-22T17:21:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but I didn't think anyone wanted to read a daily post that read something like this: "I woke up today, put on my walking cast, watched daytime tv and then took a nap. Oh, and my foot hurts."

I didn't want someone who just happened by my blog by chance to think he/she was reading the ramblings of an 80 crippled woman: "Today I tried to go shopping at Stater Brothers, but all of the darn sit and shops were taken, so I had to go sit in the car. Ooof, my back hurts!"

But now I've been back home and at work for a week and a half, so I thought I'd better post something before you all quit coming by.

The past two months have been frustrating and painful, and it's easy to focus on the negative aspects of breaking a bone and being unable to take care of myself.

Despite (or because of) all of that, this past Sunday as we sang "Count Your Many Blessings" for the closing hymn in Sacrament Meeting I found my eyes filling with tears as I really felt (perhaps for the first time) what the words of that hymn were saying.

So, here goes, a list (incomplete and in no particular order) of the blessings I've recieved because I broke my foot:

1. I'm learning that I don't need to do everything myself. I'm a single girl, and have been for 35 years. Those in the same boat know what I'm talking about. In order to survive you have to get self sufficient. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it can make it hard to accept help and ask for the help you need. When you can't walk or carry anything for over a month you need help and you need to ask for it. It seems stupid to think of having people waiting on you as a bad thing, but trust me-- it's not as fun as you think. My lowest point was probably at Target with my mom when I went (in the sit n shop) to the snack bar to get myself a Diet Coke. I took a corner too sharply, almost took out a table, and sent Diet Coke and ice in every possible direction. My mother came up behind me and said, "So, how did that work for you? You don't need to do this yourself!" And she was right. My mom and later my sister Christy were more than happy to help me, I just needed to be willing to ask.

2. I've learned to be grateful for the things I HAVE rather than focusing on what I LACK. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's ever cried about the myriad ways in which my life is different than I'd planned. When I lost the ability to walk--something I'd never even considered to be a blessing--I realized all of the things I've been blessed with.

3. My mom and dad. My mom and dad took me and my puppy in and loved us even though we sent their lives into disorder. My parents gave up their bedroom (the only one on the main floor: I couldn't do stairs), their routine, and their peace and quiet (Austen's loud), not to mention that one dining room chair (Sorry! Austen feels really really bad about that...maybe).

4. My sister Christy. When Mom and Dad couldn't take care of me because of prior commitments she took me in, bringing me water and Diet Coke whenever I wanted, and keeping my puppy for me until I am able to take care of him myself. Christy has also called me every single day since my injury making me laugh at myself and helping me gain perspective on the situation. She also sent me silly packages and encouraged new talents (my harmonica playing is coming right along).

5. My friends Vicki and Mary at work. Because I had no time to plan and was put on painkillers immediately, there was no time for decent planning for my students. I knew I'd be out for 6 weeks and had NO idea how to proceed. Vicki found a generic lesson plan for teaching the novel 1984, made copies, helped my long term substitute, and kept my kids updated on my condition. She also called me often helping me laugh about the situation and letting me know what was happening in my classroom. She always ended our conversations by telling me, "Don't worry. Things are under control." I can NEVER repay her for everything she did. Mary, my wonderful department chair, entered grades for me, mailed me research papers, talked to the office and Principal for me, and made my adjustment back to school as smooth and easy as possible. I could NOT have made it without her.

5. My friends in general. I recieved many many phone calls, letters, emails, etc. from many of you. I love you. Thank you. I especially enjoyed Jill's question "When do we laugh at this? 'Cause I'm ready when you are." and her glee at the possibility of me drunk dialing while on Lortab. Sorry it didn't happen Jill, I was too busy forming a postulate to call.

6. I have a job that I love. I've often thought (usually at 5:30 when I'm up getting ready for work) that I'd like to not have to work. I'll never say that again. I never realized how much joy I get from being a productive member of society. I missed the daily interaction with my students and the other teachers I work with, and I found out how truly mind suckingly horrible daytime tv is.

7. I am not permanently disabled. Now that I've had a glimpse into what it's like to be handicapped I will never be the same. I now notice things I never would have before, like how difficult it is to do basic day to day things when you can't walk. I've also realized how much people in public places stare at you when you're not "normal". I've also learned how kind perfect strangers can be when you are in need.

8. I had a excellent and decisive doctor. I fell on a Wednesday, saw my doctor on the following Monday, and had surgery on Tuesday. I didn't realize how great this was until I started hearing horror stories. You see, when you are in a wheelchair/have crutches/wear a walking cast people come up to you and tell you their injury stories. I've heard nightmarish stories of doctors who dither around, make incorrect diagnoses, etc. I'm really blessed that we just got to business. I'm also blessed that my doctor (who replaced my father's knee last year) took my insurance. It was comforting to know that I had a well respected and competent surgeon cutting me open. It's also nice to know he's a BYU alum (GO COUGARS!)

9. I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with five of my nieces and nephews. The first three weeks of my recuperation were spent at my mom and dad's and I got to spend a LOT of time with my three adorable nieces who live around the corner. Normally during the school year I see them on weekends for an hour here or there, but I got three almost solid weeks of conversations, cuddling, laughter, and fun. I got to do Bethany's hair for her dance concert and see her dance in a poodle skirt.

I got to go to church with them and have Cate and Gwen take turns "getting" to sit by Aunt Maury. At one point during Sacrament meeting Cate grabbed my arm and said, "You're MY Maury." Then she went and sat by her mom and said to her, "See that girl up there? She's my Maury." Gwen came home with my mom and dad (I had to go home early) so that she'd be the first to "see Aunt Maury". I already loved these girls, but those three weeks were a precious opportunity to soak up the little girlness that I know just won't last (just last week Carly and Rachel were my little girls and now they're practically adults).

When I went to Christy's I got to spend a lot of time with my nephew Curtis and my niece Alyssa. Alyssa was very concerned that my walking boot was really ugly, and thought that I should just hop on one foot instead of using the crutches all the time. Curtis instructed me in the way of the Bionicle, and played with my dog. Time spent with those two kids is never a waste.

10. I got to see my 100 year old grandmother.

Of all of my blessings, this is my favorite. I might almost go so far as to say that maybe, if there's a reason that I had to break my foot, it was this. Had I not fallen on that silly stair I wouldn't have been able to take the time off of work to drive all day to Northern Wyoming, and I would have missed out on one of the sweetest experiences of my life. Grandma doesn't recognize us any more and she slept for a lot of the time I got to spend with her, but just sitting on her bed holding her hand and feeling her spirit was a blessing of the highest order. She didn't know who I was, but the first time we went into her room she pointed at me and said, "This girl looks familiar." I told her "That's because I'm your granddaughter Maury Sue." She responded, "You're my Maury Sue?" "Yes." "Oh, I'm glad!" We'd repeat that conversation every day and I never tired of it. Once she asked me, "How do you know I'm your grandma?" I told her it was because she'd been my grandma my entire life. She responded, "I'm sure glad I'm your grandma. I love you."

Being the granddaughter of that tremendous lady is one of the greatest blessings of my life. She has taught me that no matter what I face in life, I can make it if I rely on the Lord. She has taught me the value of intelligence and education, and has shown me what true strength is.

And, because my broken foot made it possible for me to see her one more time, I can't regret that silly fall or a single second of pain, frustration, or inconvenience it caused.

My Left Foot

2009-03-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a long time since I posted last. Let me tell you that it was never my intention to leave the pitiful "I'm depressed about turning 35" post as long as I have. I have learned since that post that turning 35 is DEFINITELY not the worst thing in the world. It isn't even the worst thing that's happened this month.

This is:

The sad thing is, I don't even have a good story to tell. I was walking down the stairs from my apartment on my way to work when my ankle twisted on the last stair and I went down hard twisting both ankles and falling hard on both feet. I was in so much pain that I lay there thinking "I can't get up. I'm going to die here. Annnnnd I'm wearing a skirt. That's not pretty."

I soon realized that I live alone and no one was going to come to save me except possibly Jesus from the landscape crew, but he doesn't come to my complex until about 10 am. I needed to get up, but hurt so badly that I didn't know how I would even begin. I dragged over to the handrail of my stairs on my behind and then pulled myself up. It was so painful I thought I was going to black out, but I was sure it was just a really bad twist/sprain and I went to work.

I'm sure I was in shock; that's the only way I can explain the fact that I drove to school with a clutch and got to my second floor classroom on a broken left foot and sprained right one.

It wasn't until I got to my classroom that I looked down and saw that my foot was swelling at an alarming rate. I called my dad and told him about it as if he could tell me what to do without seeing it, but I pretty much knew from the location of the swelling that I'd done more than just sprain my ankle.

Once I got a sub I left, walking on my broken foot again, and drove my car to my brother David's, crying every time I had to push in the clutch.

Bless my brother David's heart he took me to urgent care, went to work while I got my diagnosis, and then picked me up afterwards. I honestly don't know what I would have done without him. (Love you David!!)

As I sat in a wheelchair in the Urgent Care entryway waiting for David, clutching my crutches and x-rays I realized that I couldn't

1. drive my car,
2. get into my apartment,
3. take care of my dog, or
4. do my job,

and I started to cry. I called my mom and dad and told them my pitiful condition and my mom got in the car and drove down to Las Vegas to pick me up(She'd been waiting to do so since I called my dad from my classroom). My dad got on the phone and called his orthopedic surgeon's office, found out they accepted my insurance and made me an appointment. They did all of this without complaint and I didn't have to ask for any of it. It made me appreciate, all over again how blessed I am to have such incredible parents.

So, I've had surgery and now my foot looks like this:

I know, I know. The improvement is startling. Actually, although I'm still in a splint, this one is MUCH better and I know that I'm on my way to healed. Also, I was lucky to have a talented and respected orthopedic surgeon fix my foot, and almost as important, an incredibly handsome and talented anesthesiologist who gave me a nerve block that lasted two days and got me through the worst of the pain.

I had my surgery Tuesday, but was originally scheduled for Friday. They called me at 11 am Tuesday when they had a cancellation and I'd already eaten breakfast. I was told not to eat anything else, and to be at the hospital at 3. When my mom and I got there I had to repeat about 5,000,001 times exactly what I ate and when. I was overjoyed that I hadn't snacked wildly that morning. Even though I'd only eaten a bowl of cereal and 2 pieces of toast I felt ashamed. I know they needed to know what I ate, but was it necessary to ask the chubby girl to repeat it so many times? I was waiting for them to bring out the spot light from NYPD Blue and have Sipowitz question me until I cracked and admitted to eating the bag of Cadbury Mini-Eggs my sister Christy had sent me just to get out of the room. However, finally, after all of the questioning it was decided that I'd get a nerve block in the back of my knee and be sedated, not anestetized. Bless the beautiful beautiful anesthesiologist (I would have loved him even if he wasn't cute, but he was. That made it fun to talk to him while wearing a hospital gown, unshowered, with no make-up) I remember nothing between being moved to the surgery table and waking up post-surgery.

Since the surgery I've had minimal pain, all things considered, and although I'm suffering through major cabin fever and am stressed out about missing 4-6 weeks of work, I'm just fine.

I've also learned:

1. Lortab binds you up.
2. Modesty is a luxury.
3. Showering with one leg hanging out of the door is not as effective as you'd think.
4. *Grading research papers while on narcotics is not easy, but it is QUICK!!
5. You can get tired of wearing jammies.
6. When you shop at Wal-Mart in a wheelchair everyone(including the polygamist women who everyone else is staring at) stares at you.
7. Day time TV is horrible.
8. America's Top Model is on nearly 24 hours a day when you have DirectTV.
9. Toilets are REALLY low to the ground
10. I naturally lead with my left foot, or did until February 25, 2009 at 6:30 am.

so there you go.

*Disclaimer: I didn't really grade papers under the influence of Lortab, but some of them were so bad that I kinda wish I had.

Tonight I Wanna Cry...

2009-02-22T20:26:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it's a maudlin country song, but it's how I'm feeling. I'm one week away from 35 and I'm not being strong and philosophical about the fleeting nature of youth.

I'm sad.

I feel alone and lonely.

I have no party plans or any idea how I want to spend my birthday. Scratch that. I know how I want to spend it, but money and busy schedules simply won't allow for flying in my favorite women from across the country for a weekend of facials, massage, laughing, talking, and eating.

So, right now I'm just going to sit in my apartment and have a little pity party.

Tears today, philosophy tomorrow.

Liz Lemon: Patron Saint of Spinsters

2009-02-19T13:31:00.000-08:00

I have a really hard time with the way most single women in their 30's are portrayed on television. They all seem to fit into a couple of different stereotypes:

1. Sexy, confident, sassy girl: She's got the world on a string, knows how to talk to men, is excellent at her job, might have a few foibles (she spends too much money on shoes, has commitment issues, etc), but she's gorgeous, perfect, in control. . . and makes me feel inadequate.

2. Bitter, angry, man-hater girl: she's generally a minor character brought on a show as a contrast to the really wonderful hot girl the main character is dating or to be a source of irritation for the male lead. She generally gets to make a lot of really funny sarcastic comments, and is usually really smart, but makes me uncomfortable. I don't like the idea that this is the way people view me.

3. Quirky clutzy girl: as hot as girl #1 but has lost her memory/was abducted by aliens/has vivid and delusional daydreams/etc. This girl is so out there that I can't see myself in her, yet she always seems to find her way into a great job/relationship/etc. Annnnnnnnd she says funny things along the way.

4. The shy awkward girl who is actually neither shy or awkward. She says she's bad at men yet magically finds ones who want to date her. She's really #1 in sheep's clothing. This girl makes me feel stupid and inadequate because I truly am shy and awkward and I keep expecting to NOT be when the time is right, but it never happens.

Then came Liz Lemon.

Liz is the first woman on network tv that I can totally identify with. She's smart, talented and funny, but she's also messy. She can't control her life no matter how much she'd like to. She actually walks around (in bicurious sensible shoes) with food in her hair (at BYU my roommates said that on my headstone, chiseled into granite, would be the words "She had food in her hair."), and dreams of island vacations where she can wear comfy socks with her sandals and read a book. She bought a wedding dress even though she wasn't even dating anyone because it was on sale, and then wore it to work to prove she wasn't a pathetic sad spinster. She doesn't think of the right thing to say when she wants to say it. She ~~loves~~ worships Oprah. She's bad at men.

She's a dork.

A dork like me.

Annnnnnnd because Liz Lemon is not a real person, but is instead a character on the very very popular television show 30 Rock, we get to see what would happen if someone as bad at men as I am were to meet the most gorgeous male creature on earth: John Hamm

Oh Liz, we all want to go to there.

As happy as I was to have John Hamm back in my life (Mad Men Season 2 when will you come out on DVD??) I worried that my Liz was going to morph into single girl #4. I needn't have worried:

(If you want to get to know Liz and love her like I do, you have a chance tonight at 9:30 after my other favorite show The Office.)

A little something to tide you over...

2009-02-18T13:18:00.000-08:00

I have some posts in the works, but I just can't seem to get them finished. My clever button is apparently not working this week....

But, I did find this little gem and thought I'd pass it along. Enjoy!

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Valentine's Day: The Spinster English Teacher's Viewpoint

2009-02-13T08:58:00.000-08:00

(Thanks Melissa!)

I used to hate Valentine's Day, then I loathed it.

Now?

I don't really know.

I do know that I hate teaching teenagers on Valentine's day. There is so much drama, so many conversation hearts and enormous mylar balloons with cartoon animals on them. Right now I'm looking at a balloon decorated with a tattooed cartoon wolf wearing a t-shirt that says "Bad to the Bone!" holding rose between his teeth like a cigarette with the words "I'm all yours! Baby!" emblazoned next to his head. Oh yeah, and it plays "Bad to the Bone" if you hit it.

This creates a dilemma for me, as I want to punch it every time I see it (which will be all day 'cause I'm holding it for one of my AVID kids who, for some unfathomable reason, doesn't want to walk around school all day with it. Hmmmmm 'can't figure that one out.), but must refrain in order to NOT hear that song over and over again.

Life is full of challenges.

A few years ago when my friend Helen was in the blissful first year with her now husband she called me on February 15 and said, "Guess what I got for Valentines? Guido bought me a heart pendant from Tiffany's! It's so pretty!"

I responded, "Really? I got a cherry Blowpop and two Scooby Doo valentines!" I wish I could say that I was exaggerating for bitter spinstery effect, but alas, it was true.

Valentine's day has become the day when my students pity me and my solitary red-rose-and-conversation-heart free life. It's the day when my sweetest girls cock their head to the side and ask, "Miss, do you have a Valentine? Don't you get lonely? Don't you EVER want to get married and have kids?"

Annnnnnnnnnd this year, Valentine's is the day when I will go to a singles conference trolling for men.

I think it's safe to say this isn't my favorite day all year, but it does give good copy.

So Cute I Just Might Die...

2009-02-12T21:07:00.000-08:00

Seriously. . . so cute:

I don't know what it is about this little girl, but she kills me. Maybe it's the fish lips? The fact that her little voice reminds me of my niece? I don't know. But I do know that I need to lie down 'cause I'm weak from the cuteness.

3 Things.... Maybe 4

2009-02-11T12:00:00.000-08:00

1. A Co-Worker called me "Beautiful" today. Due to my intense middle child insecurities, this made me think happy thoughts instead of ones that said, "That's kind of inappropriate in the workplace." I really should have been icked out 'cause he's old enough to be my father, has a comb over, wears old man pants, and is a bit on the lecherous side, but hey! I've gotta take 'em where I can get 'em.

2. I was asked to be a guest speaker for a Master's class at UNLV last night. I shared strategies for critical thinking, and it went really well. I always get soooooo nervous before I present anything like that, but as soon as I start I remember how much I love teaching teachers. They are a great audience if you can help them see the need for the information you have to share.

3. I'm in the middle of teaching research papers to sophomores, so that means that I'm partly done with teaching research papers to sophomores. That's the most cheery thing I can think to say about that. (How hard is it, really, to write a works cited page? I even gave them the link to a citation builder that does the work for them, AND showed them how to use it. I mean, really!!!)

4. My gun totin' neighbor came home Monday. I'm trying to be ok with that and sleep at night. Last night, for the first time since the incident, I fell asleep without too much anxiety. Progress!!

Hanging out at the Gas N' Sip on a Friday Night

2009-02-09T15:20:00.000-08:00

Raise your hand if you:

1. Were awoken on Friday night/Saturday morning by three police officers who, while pointing sniper rifles at your neighbor's window, tell you to get your shoes and coat and evacuate your apartment as soon as possible.

2. Were directed to run along your fence line and leave your complex through a side gate with several of your neighbors.

3. Got to sit in the 7-11 parking lot in your jammies at 2:30 am while it rained on you

4. Attempted to take a nap while sitting in a video poker machine at 3 am.

5. Sat on an empty city bus with your neighbors while the SWAT team had your neighbor's apartment surrounded.

6. Finally got to sleep at 6 am only to be woken two hours later by a puppy with a full bladder.

7. No longer feel completely safe in your home.

Anyone?

Anyone?
Hmmmm.

So, JUST ME then.

On Friday it seems that my neighbor (who has always scared me a little because of his scary tattoos and bumper stickers and who I have been trying to not judge on appearance alone) lost his mind on Friday night (with the help of liberal doses of drugs and alcohol) and holed up in his apartment with a gun (now I don't feel so bad about judging him on appearance. Ha! I love being justified in my prejudices.). I guess his downstairs neighbor called the police because he was shouting and, from the noises coming from his apartment, seemed to be attempting to break through every wall in his apartment. The police attempted to get him to come out and when he wouldn't, evacuated those of us within shooting range. I still don't have a lot of information, as the police weren't, for obvious reasons, very forthcoming. I don't know if his two very young children were with him or if anyone was hurt.

I don't know what the outcome was.

I do know that I was scared.

I do know that they wouldn't let me take Austen with me and I had a mini-freak out about it.

I do know that I spent Saturday in a fog brought on by a combination of sleep deprivation and shock.

I do know that I appreciate these guys:

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more than I ever have.

I do know that I've never been happier to see these guys:

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coming down the road and knowing that they were taking care of things.

I've got to say that although I was never in any real danger, this experience has made me really think about how fragile life really is. It made me think about what I do and do not want to spend my time on earth doing, and what I don't want to put off any longer.

Don't worry. I'm going to stop philosophizing here. But let me just finish by saying, I am certainly glad to be alive today.

(Thanks David, Jillian, and Christy for not being upset when I texted you at 2:30 in the morning to tell you that I was scared and sitting in the 7-11 parking lot. I am especially grateful that David was sick to his stomach and couldn't sleep so that he was awake and talked to me for about 40 minutes of the 3 hours I sat in the 7-11 parking lot. You helped keep hysteria at bay and see the humor in the situation)

The Sisterhood of the Patchwork Purse

2009-02-06T22:06:00.000-08:00

Tonight I got a chance to hang out with Meredith, one of my favorite peeps in the world. Meredith and I grew up together, but I haven't seen her in years, so it was really nice to hang out and party like the rock stars we are. We talked about the upcoming Single Adult Conference I'm going to next week "Lay Hold Upon Every Good Gift" (subtitle: "But Don't Get Your Hopes Up, Lady"), went to Panda Express, Ate Frozen Yogurt, and because I'd so admired her brandy new purse, went shopping together:

We decided it was ok to be matchy matchy since we live about 2,000 miles away from each other

And $16.00 for a soft as buttah leatha purse? Fuggettaboutit

I know you're all jealous. And you should be.

Meredith, it was a blast! Let's not wait so long to get together next time!!

Realization #24560837532: Tuesday Night Television Stinks.

2009-02-03T20:33:00.000-08:00

For the past two years I've fairly consistently had class on Tuesday nights. This means I didn't get home until nearly 8pm when I had to cook dinner (snort! Unless going through drvie through at In-N-Out Burger or Del Taco counts as "cooking dinner" I'm a total liar), feed the dog, go to the dog park, take a bath, pick out my clothes for school the next day, do a little homework, and then fall into bed hopefully before midnight and try to sleep.

This means that I have not attempted to watch primetime television on Tuesday night for a long time. This is what I've discovered: I haven't been missing much.

I'm going to come right out and say it: I HATE AMERICAN IDOL. I have NEVER watched it, except when I was visiting my sister Jamie during the season where they voted off Jennifer Hudson but crowned a bundle of crazy named Fantasia Barrino. Hmmmmmm....

Loser?

Winner?

And this one

decides who has musical talent? Hmmmmmmm.

Then there's this show:

that I can't watch 'cause it hits too close to home. On several levels.

I could watch the new 90210, but I fear that in so doing I would open up a shame spiral so large it would suck me and everything within 3 miles down into its shadowy depths. I don't want that on my conscience.

If I stay awake until 9 I guess I could watch Scrubs, but frankly, it's changed times and now networks too many times for me to give a crap.

So there you go. I know this is n't the end of the world, but now that I actually have couch time, I'd like to enjoy it. Instead, I'll have to read a book or something.

Insert Klever Title Here...

2009-01-25T16:16:00.001-08:00

This post has taken me AGES to finish. It began when I saw a "D"elightful post on Melissa's blog listing ten things she loves that start with the letter "D" and signed up to do one of my own.

Little did I know how truly difficult this whole "name 10 things that start with a particular letter" thing would be. I apologize that it's taken me so darn long, but if you know me at all, you know I have to overthink everything. This was no exception.

So, here they are in no particular order, things that I love that start with :

1. Kilts. I love them. I love the way men look when they wear them. I love the land they come from.

I know not everyone feels this way, but I just can't understand it. How can you look at a picture like this:

and not love them too? Seriously. Look at him.

They also remind me of my first trip to Scotland when I fell in love with the land o' the kilt

Gorgeous, init? My favorite memory of our day in Edinburgh was when a mentally handicapped Chinese man traveling with our group repeatedly told our kilt-wearing Scottish guide "That's a very nice skirt!" It went over EXTREMELY well with our very manly guide, let me tell you.

2. Kings Cross Station

First of all, I love all of the Victorian train stations in London. They contain beautiful architecture, a tremendous sense of history, and delightful almond croissants. They also offer the promise of adventure. What sets Kings Cross apart, in my humble opinion, is the fact that they've added this:

I love that they've created something that serves no purpose other than to delight Harry Potter loving tourists. Speaking of ole' H. P. can I mention that I'm incredibly excited about this:

?

Yes? Thanks!

Finally, I chose Kings Cross Station because it is a small part London, a city that I love more than my luggage. I could go back every year and still not see everything. I love that.

3. Krasinski, John and Kapoor, Kelly. Ok, you all know I love The Office.

I credit John Krasinski (who I'd like to marry me and father my babies) for initially hooking me. I love his flippy hair and smirky face. I loved watching him, as Jim, pine over Pam, and I love watching him be engaged to her. I love the tricks he plays on Dwight. I love him.

But, after watching for 4 years now, there's another character who I love nearly as much. Jim hooked me, but Kelly Kapoor keeps me laughing, week after week. Kelly is the annoying, shallow, celebrity and self-obsessed girl you'd hate to be assigned to work with, and that's the very reason she's so much fun to watch.

Here's a clip to show you what I'm talking about. It's long, but even if you just watch a little you'll see what I mean.

When I also consider that the amazing Mindy Kaling, who plays Kelly, wrote several of my FAVORITE episodes including:

"The Dundies", "The Injury", and "Branch Wars"

I love her even more.

4. Keeping the Moon (and anything else by Sarah Dessen)

I love Young Adult Literature in general, but Sarah Dessen's are, in my opinion, the best of the lot.

I've spent the last ten years of my life working with teenagers, and while they are hilarious and brilliant, they just aren't as snappy and witty as they are generally portrayed. That's part of what I love about Sarah Dessen's books. Her characters are real. They talk, eat, behave. . . . etc. like the teenagers I know. I like that although there's always resolution at the end of these books they aren't tied up with a big happy bow.

5. Kelly, Reckless Kelly.

I've already written at length about these guys. All I want to add is that my love has only grown since October when I wrote that post. I love them I love them I love them.

6. King, Jillian King:

I love this girl in general, but this particular picture makes me so happy I could weep. Posting this might be strike number three for our friendship and require me to take an online course, but I don't care. Plus, Jillian, you know you told me to put you on the list. (I would have anyway. Probably.)

7. K-9's in general, Austen in particular

I've had dogs for most of my life, and I must say that life is measurably more fulfilling and happy with them than without. When my Scouter died I tried to look on the bright side and think of the freedom I'd have as a pet free individual. While it's true that being dogless allowed me easier travel, less responsibility, and a year of hair free clothing and furniture, my life was much emptier than I could possibly imagine. During this time I struggled through a profound depression. I know that getting Austen, in large measure, is what helped me pull through that time without the use of antidepressants.

I say that even though he did this:

and this:

and this:

to my furniture this in 1 1/2 hours this past Saturday while I went out to breakfast with friends.

8. Knits

It's ironic how much I love scarves, sweaters, and knit caps considering the fact that I was raised in Southern California and now live in Las Vegas. My fashion sense is much more suited to the East Coast or the British Isles than the Southwest, but what can you do?

Kill me now. Krasinski in knits? Fuggettaboutit.

9. Kitsch

I delight in kitsch. Because I also have impeccable taste (ahem) I resist buying much of the kitsch I desire (I had to talk myself out of a pendant of the Tardis this week), although I do own the following:

In magnet form on my refrigerator (he's the official Lowe Family Elvis)

and this postcard:

That I couldn't resist buying from the Liberace Museum Gift Shop. What can I say? I'm patriotic.

I also enjoy this Kitsch

But that's another story.

10. Kitchen

The kitchen is my favorite room in the house.

1. I love to cook/bake. Annnnnnnnnd I'm really good at it.

2. When I was growing up the kitchen was a place that we'd gather to talk, often with several of us sitting on the countertops, about anything and everything.

3. The kitchen is where the Kitchenaid Mixer lives:

That's it. My list. It was more work AND more fun than I thought it would be to come up with.

Okay, so if you want to join in the blogging fun, just post a comment and ask me for a letter. I'll randomly assign you one and you can post your own list of things you love!

I'm choosing Hope

2009-01-21T20:26:00.000-08:00

At this moment, as I sit at my computer I am filled with hope. Hope for the future of this great country we live in, hope for answers to the pressing questions of our time, hope for generations yet to come. I know that some might think that I am one of the many, swept away on a tide of pomp, circumstance, and rhetoric, but they would be wrong.

I've thought and prayed a lot during the course of this election and in the days following it. I've researched platforms and searched my soul and made informed decisions rather than just going with my gut or heart.

I've listened to the chants of "Yes we can!" and I've looked at the posters encouraging me to hope. What I've realized is this: having hope doesn't just happen. Each of us must choose to have it.

Me? I'm choosing it.

I hope that President Obama will rise to the occasion and have the conviction and fortitude to be the man that we so desperately need him to be.

I am also hopeful in my belief that he is and will be.

I am filled with unabashed optimism when I read the words

"Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real, they are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this America: They will be met"

I believe he means it, and I'm willing to do my part in making it happen.

In these uncertain and frightening times, I'm comforted and empowered by a President who says

"Our challenges may be new, the instruments with which we meet them may be new, but those values upon which our success depends, honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism -- these things are old.

These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history.

What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility -- a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence: the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny."

I hear the ring of truth in my ears and feel it in my heart, and know that if we can put behind us our differences and choose to work together for a common goal, we can make this world a better place.

I am moved by the reminder of the humble beginnings of this country

"In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river.

The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood.

At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

'Let it be told to the future world that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it.'

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words; with hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come; let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations."

and feel a renewed responsibility for what it is now.

It's true. I watched the inaguration of our 44th President of the United States in a classroom filled with 15 and 16 year old students, and I was as wide eyed and trusting as any one of them.

I'm choosing to believe him.

I'm choosing to be hopeful.

Whether or not you voted for this man, I would hope that we could all hope and pray for his mind to be enlightened, his convictions to be true, and his courage to be unwavering.

Me? I'm choosing to hope that we will.

The Doogie Orchestra. . . Another reason I love NPH

2009-01-12T16:56:00.000-08:00

It's fixed, for those of you who haven't watched it yet. . .

Sigh. I love my gay boyfriend

Things I did today

2009-01-10T21:27:00.001-08:00

1. I did my roots. With this stuff:

Because I currently can't find my real stuff anywhere. This new stuff is ok, but leaves my hair dull. I know I could just change my color, but I'm not ready for such a huge decision right now. Especially when I have to go to school on Monday and face teenagers.

2. Went

at Sunflower Market. I love that place, but rarely go because it's kinda out of my way. But, today they had so many deals on so much produce that David, Jena and I headed over there. I also found out that they give you 10 cents off for every reusable grocery bag you use. Score!!

3. Got my heater fixed!!

A very nice cute man came over today at 12:30 and fixed my heater!!! Of course, today it was 68 degrees in my apartment without the heater, unlike the week before Christmas when it was snowing outside and 50 degrees inside, but hey, who am I to complain. Glass half full.

4. Vacuumed my apartment with my super fabulous

Bissell Pet Hair Eraser. I'm telling you, if you have pets who shed, this vaccuum is the best thing since sliced bread. It only cost me $150 (and I got a $15 gift card from Target) and it is AMAZING. Trust me, I own a corgi, and they shed more than any three dogs on the street (unless it's a street full of corgis or something).

5. Gave Austen a bath

(This is an old picture. Wasn't he the cutest thing??)

6. Took a

7. And watched

Which I highly recommend. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll sing along.

Now I'm sure your life is complete. I'm off to bed.

Sometimes the truth hurts, and sometimes it's hilarious....

2009-01-08T15:38:00.000-08:00

Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | More Video Clips

found via www.bestweekever.tv.

Just in case you were already planning...

2009-01-08T11:49:00.000-08:00

I'm turning 35 in a few short weeks, and I'd just like to go on record as saying that I do NOT want this cake:

It makes me uncomfortable on several levels ~~(that I will NOT be discussing here)~~ Never mind, I'll share them:

1. Eating this cake would be akin to eating one of those naked girl mudflaps.

2. Just look at his hair will you? I know it's molded plastic and all, but this guy looks like that creepy "distant cousin" who still combs his hair with pomade and always corners you at family reunions to tell you how "purty you've grown up to be" and "if I was only 30 years younger..." Ick! I don't care if he is a Dapper Dan Man, I don't want him.

3. That rug looks reeeeeealllly uncomfortable.

4. Hello! it's a boy in his underwear on top of a cake. I don't care if he is plastic, it just doesn't feel sanitary.

5. Yes. I'm single. Yes. I'm 35. No, I don't have a date to my own party. Yes. I'm a sad lonely spinster. Please don't give me a plastic naked man on a cake to further rub salt in that wound.

6. Ewww. Just. Ewww.

I would not be able to eat that cake. I don't know that I've ever said those words before, but believe me. I mean them.

Don't. Just. Don't.

(Thanks Cakewrecks)

I don't think this is what Nephi meant...

2009-01-05T17:49:00.000-08:00

Austen decided to take out his anxiety about my returning to work out on the scriptures today. Thank goodness he only really got to the index.

That's right, you'd better hide.

Oh, and I was also greeted by this sightwhen I walked in my front door this afternoon:

At first I thought Austen had just been running around like a maniac (he's been known to do so) but when I unfolded it I found this:

That turkey chewed up my rug and then attempted to hide the evidence. Now I KNOW he knows what he's doing!!!!!

Just one more way to say "Screw you woman!!"

A little Bice Advice to hold you over...

2009-01-03T09:19:00.000-08:00

I'll be posting for reals soon, but don't have all of my pictures uploaded yet. You have some good stuff to look forward to including the uplifting tales of me puking on the side of the freeway and how we saved Baby Austen from the well. Good stuff.

For now, let's hear from Jeanne, shall we?

Triumph is just a little umph added to try

Doesn't that just inspire you?

The Hills of Yucca Valley

2008-12-30T13:49:00.001-08:00

An ode to the mother land...

Merry Christmas Everybody!

2008-12-22T12:44:00.000-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

So how was YOUR Friday?

2008-12-20T08:47:00.000-08:00

So, it's officially Winter Break as of today. I'm happy to have the next two weeks off, especially considering the fact that I finished grading the mountain of papers and projects on my desk before leaving school yesterday so I won't have to feel guilty about not grading them in all of my free time. Cuz, no matter what, I WON'T grade papers on break. I WON'T! I WON'T! I WON'T!

Normally the second my body leaves official CCSD air space I morph from Respsonsible English Teacher Me into Vacation Mode Me.

V.M.M. likes to wear pajamas for an inordinate amount of time, eat food that makes me fat and queasy, shop for unneccessary items, and forget she has a job.

R.E.T. is dilligent and (appropriately) loves teenagers.

V.M.M. sleeps in and wants to bean teenagers in the head with popcorn at movies.

I know. I know. I'm complex.

Anyway, this year's V.M.M. kickoff just hasn't gone as planned. "Why?" you may ask?

Welllllllll..... It started like this:

I woke up early for the first time in my life. I had a nice morning walk with Austen, got ready and was driving on the freeway to work when I heard the unmistakable flump flump flump of a:

Luckily David was home and is WONDERFUL. He came, picked me up and took me to work and then went back, put the donut on the wheel and got my car back to my apartment. (He's currently my favorite person.) I thought, "I'll get one of my friends to give me a ride home. No problem!" except one thing.

I'd given David my keys that morning so that he could fix the whole tire thing. This included the key to my apartment. Normally, this would not have been a big deal, but my heater's been broken and conditions in my apartment have been a little bit like this:

for the past week. So much so, that I've been considering buying one of these babies:

and I'd finally gotten an appointment with a heating and air conditioning repairman. Of course, I'd set a 2:30 appointment. I wasn't going to be able to meet David at my apartment until 2:45 at the earliest, but I thought, "These guys are never on time. I'll be fine." But NOOOOOOOO! for the first time in the history of repairmen, the guy was on time and because of another job across town could not wait one minute past 2:45. I didn't get home until 2:50, but the guy was nice and stayed.

He was also cute and friendly. I thought that just maybe my day was looking up. He looked at my heater and said, "You're not going to like me very much. I can't fix this. You see, the heat in your apartment is created by hot water that flows through this pipe and then the air blows over it and is heated. You need to call a plumber."

A plumber to fix my heater? Oh silly me, why didn't I think of that? By the way, my heater uses a water pipe to create heat? Whatthe?!?

But, I couldn't think about it right then. I had to go and get my tire fixed. I called Discount Tires and they told me to come right in and they'd have me in and out in about 45 minutes. Good enough.

I went and after spending $250 that I don't have I sat for 2 hours. 2 HOURS spent watching everyone who came in after me leave before me. After the first hour my car hadn't even been touched and I went up to the guy who checked me in and said, "You told me 45 minutes. It's been an hour and three people who came in after me have left already. My car hasn't been touched."

The kid looked at me, clearly bored and said, "I'm sorry." He was sincere. I'm just sure of it.

After that, I'd lost my will to live. So, I'm sitting here in my cold apartment, attempting to will V.M.M. into existence. I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm Dreaming of a Celluloid Christmas...

2008-12-13T21:40:00.000-08:00

My friend Melissa recently posted the four movies she HAS to watch each year during Christmas and New Years. It got me thinking and I decided to do the same thing.

So, here goes:

#1

I know it's not a Christmas movie. They don't ever decorate a tree or give gifts, but there's something about this movie that touches my soul this time of year. I love the songs; I love Salzburg, Austria; I love the costumes; and most of all, I love Julie Andrews. The opening vision of Andrews in the Alps singing "The hills are alive with the sound of music" gives me chills just thinking about it, but it's the song "My Favorite Things" that I love most of all.

Maybe it's because Christmas break is the only time I have to watch a film this long, but I watch it every year about this time. And sing. Out loud. Alone. In my apartment.

#2

I just watched the remake (starring Dylan McDermott, hubba hubba) with my brother and sister-in-law and it's cute, but there's nothing like the original. They've colorized this one, but I'd recommend seeing it as intended in black and white. Although it was made in 1947 this one feels remarkable current to me. Maureen O'Hara is fantastic, the clothes are beautiful, and Natalie Wood: puleeeeeease. No other child has been that adorable or that smart on film, ever.

If you haven't seen this one, trust me, you're missing out.

#3

If you don't like old school musicals with big production numbers and improbable plots then this one's not for you. But, if you're still willing to give it a chance, I have two words for you: Rosemary Clooney.

This is billed as a Bing Crosby film, but to me, the star is and always will be Ms. Clooney. Added to that is the fact that she's singing Irving Berlin's music and BAM! You've got yourself a big time movie.

Hearing Rosemary Clooney and Bing Crosby singing "Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep" or watching the four main characters dressed in full Santa gear singing "White Christmas"? FUGGETABOUTIT. There are some low points (The number "Choreography" is one) , and you have to watch Danny Kaye (who I kind of see as that generation's Jim Carrey) pull a lot of silly faces, but the high points, to me, make this a yearly must see.

#4

There's a Will Ferrell movie on my must watch list. I can hardly believe it myself. But I love this movie, and it's proof that he's capable of being simultaneously sweet and hilarious, and I have watched it every Christmas since it was released. How can you not love a movie with lines like these:

"First we'll make snow angels for two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse cookie dough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle."

or

"I'm sorry I ruined your lives, and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR."

I don't think it's possible.
Buddy the Elf, "I love you. I love you! I LOOOOOOOVE YOU!"
And I agree, "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear." (see #1 on my list)

There's my list. What movies do you watch every year? Any suggestions for me?

And you said Buffy the Vampire Slayer was unrealistic.

2008-12-11T13:42:00.000-08:00

On Buffy the Vampire Slayer (AKA: How vampires SHOULD be portrayed in media) Season 5, Spike, in a fit of obsessive love for Buffy, forced a desperate nerd to create a robotic Buffy who would love him back. At the time it was a hilarious but unrealistic commentary on unrequited love. I enjoyed the storyline immensely.

Flash forward a few years: A Japanese man living in Canada has created what he refers to as "the perfect woman". She's a robot.

Yeah. Who knew Joss Whedon was so prophetic?

So much about this bothers me, but I'll share a few quotes from the article and comment on them.

"SHE is the perfect wife, with the body of a Page 3 pin-up and housekeeping skills that put TV’s Kim and Aggie to shame.
Her name is Aiko, she can even read a map, and will never, ever, nag."

In other words, I should put "excellent navigational skills" and "handy with a vacuum" on my LDSSingles.com profile, but might not want to mention that I have ideas of my own.

"Devoted Aiko — “in her 20s” — has a stunning 32-23-33 figure, pretty face and shiny hair."

Oh dear. I'm definitely past my sell by date.

"She is always happy to clean the house for “husband” Le, help with his accounts or get him a drink."

Note to self: enroll in Geisha courses.

And for the "You, sir, are a freak of nature!" file:

"The couple often go for a drive in the countryside, where Aiko proves a whizz at directions.
And they always sit down for dinner together in the evening, although Aiko doesn’t have much of an appetite."

Ok, this one is for the inventor directly. "You are aware, sir, that you are taking a ROBOT for a drive, right? She's NOT real. On the bright side, you're saving money on food and she'll never get chunky on you."

"Le says his relationship with Aiko hasn’t strayed into the bedroom, but a few “tweaks” could turn her into a sexual partner."

Ewwwwwww! Just Ewwwwww!

I am not touching that one. In fact, I wish I had a time machine so that I could go back in time and NOT read that part of the article.

There is some hope for Aiko, though. She's not a complete moron:

"Le said: “Women usually try to talk to her. But men always want to touch her, and if they do it the wrong way she slaps them.”

Maybe those pervs should look into this:

(FYI:This clip is the reason I have a crush on Sam Waterson to this day. Law and Order? Whatever.)